Skip to main content

It's time to let go of the things that aren't.

There is so much going on in my life right now that I feel like I'm holding onto things... afraid to let go.  Prime example, there's an empty bedroom upstairs that would/could become the nursery if/when we have another baby.  It pains me to move office furniture in there to make an office that I am super excited to have because it means there's no baby in our immediate plans.  We have so much space in this house that it feels like a constant reminder that someone is missing.  Our family is not complete but I have no idea how much struggle it will take to rectify that feeling.

On the same note, I used to run.  I know.  Let that wash over you.  Long, long ago (2013) in a far away place called Chicago, Porch and I started running at Chase Park after work.  I was using a Couch to 5K program and just kind of chugged along while he did his workout.  I loved it.  I craved it.  And then, just as I was thisclose to finishing the last week, I had to stop running to do IVF.  Let me rephrase this:  I was strongly encouraged to stop running (and also it was getting cold).

The other night I was creeping along Instagram and saw my sister in law had started a page about her journey with weight loss.  I was kind of hit with my own reality check.  I miss the runner's high but I always had/have a reason (excuse) not to --

I'm doing IVF.
I'm pregnant.  (Okay this one was legit and I tried to do a brisk walk at like 6 months and wanted to vomit)
I have a newborn.
I don't want to jack up my supply (breastfeeding was kinda my cardio anyway)
I have a toddler who doesn't sleep & is teething and when she goes to bed, I want to binge watch shows and shovel ice cream into my faee.
I'm working a billion hours at my job.
I'm moving.
I'm tired.
I was holding onto the reasons, hoping to cycle back to the "I'm pregnant" card (I'm not pregnant).
So yeah.  I did it.
I sucked it up and threw on my headphones, cranked the Five Finger Death Punch, and did the damn thing.

There were some ridiculous storm clouds over my head tonight (literally) and I watched them roll through, bringing a cool breeze behind them.

It's time to let go of the things that aren't.
To appreciate what is.
And to be in those moments completely.

Life sucks sometimes.  But we only get one chance.  I'm done wishing away my life.  It is what it is and I love it for all of its craziness.


Stay tuned to hear how sore I am tomorrow and how long it takes me to get out there again ;)
xo
Mama Porch
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

It is not 1950; I do not vacuum in pearls.

Hi, it's me - I know it's been a while, but I've been deep inside that bubble I mentioned when everything first happened in November 2020 and I am starting to emerge having done some serious healing and navigating within the trauma of being a suicide survivor and a sole parent. This has nothing to do with that though. I'm dumping this thought here because I need it documented: You know how the conservative crowd tends to use "Well I don't have any children, why should I help pay for the schools?" and "People are just too lazy to work, I don't know why we need social services to help people pay for their child care and food?" I'm noticing those are the same voices I hear in restaurants complaining that there are no servers. No bartenders. No one available to change their oil or to do other trade work. And no one to watch their children.  The CEO of the company I work for posted a big response about how child care is the gatekeeper to folks...
Post a Comment
Read more

35 weeks = 35 days to go!

We might have a name picked out (nothing like waiting until the last minute).  We're not sharing and it's only partly because we want it to be a surprise.  It's also because I'm a little nervous that we'll change our minds when we meet her.  Though I'm like 95% sure she will fit right into this name.  It's perfect and I love it. I also think I started nesting this week.  I got home on Monday night and went to town cleaning, organizing, everything.  We have her crib ready for her, which seems funny because I'm pretty sure she'll be hanging with us in our room for a while ;)  Her room is coming together, things are getting put away and organized and it makes me so happy! How far along?  35 weeks Progress:   None.  Cervix is closed, she hasn't dropped -- she ain't goin' no where anytime soon. Total weight gain:   I've gained 19 pounds total (my guess is that's 59% Drumsticks -- which I have found a replacement for:   ...
2 comments
Read more

The neighborhood gem

We have lived in our current place for about 2.5 years. Sunday marked the first time EVER that we walked to the neighborhood park and participated in open swim at the pool. I don't know why it took so long... maybe because we're not usually here on the weekends? Not sure. But Sunday was such a gorgeous day that we couldn't resist the urge to be outside but this preggo needed to be cool. I mentioned the pool and called to find out deets (hours, type of swim, fee, etc) and we slipped on our suits & were out the door in no time! We had been working all morning to assemble baby gear and catch up on laundry so we welcomed the break. We spent about an hour soaking up the sun and floating around in the water. We really aren't going anywhere (no more trips to the cabin or Green Bay for me) between now and the baby's arrival so I suspect that if the weather is nice, we'll be more likely to consider the pool.  Hey, it's clean, free, and close to home. Can...
1 comment
Read more