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It's time to let go of the things that aren't.

There is so much going on in my life right now that I feel like I'm holding onto things... afraid to let go.  Prime example, there's an empty bedroom upstairs that would/could become the nursery if/when we have another baby.  It pains me to move office furniture in there to make an office that I am super excited to have because it means there's no baby in our immediate plans.  We have so much space in this house that it feels like a constant reminder that someone is missing.  Our family is not complete but I have no idea how much struggle it will take to rectify that feeling.

On the same note, I used to run.  I know.  Let that wash over you.  Long, long ago (2013) in a far away place called Chicago, Porch and I started running at Chase Park after work.  I was using a Couch to 5K program and just kind of chugged along while he did his workout.  I loved it.  I craved it.  And then, just as I was thisclose to finishing the last week, I had to stop running to do IVF.  Let me rephrase this:  I was strongly encouraged to stop running (and also it was getting cold).

The other night I was creeping along Instagram and saw my sister in law had started a page about her journey with weight loss.  I was kind of hit with my own reality check.  I miss the runner's high but I always had/have a reason (excuse) not to --

I'm doing IVF.
I'm pregnant.  (Okay this one was legit and I tried to do a brisk walk at like 6 months and wanted to vomit)
I have a newborn.
I don't want to jack up my supply (breastfeeding was kinda my cardio anyway)
I have a toddler who doesn't sleep & is teething and when she goes to bed, I want to binge watch shows and shovel ice cream into my faee.
I'm working a billion hours at my job.
I'm moving.
I'm tired.
I was holding onto the reasons, hoping to cycle back to the "I'm pregnant" card (I'm not pregnant).
So yeah.  I did it.
I sucked it up and threw on my headphones, cranked the Five Finger Death Punch, and did the damn thing.

There were some ridiculous storm clouds over my head tonight (literally) and I watched them roll through, bringing a cool breeze behind them.

It's time to let go of the things that aren't.
To appreciate what is.
And to be in those moments completely.

Life sucks sometimes.  But we only get one chance.  I'm done wishing away my life.  It is what it is and I love it for all of its craziness.


Stay tuned to hear how sore I am tomorrow and how long it takes me to get out there again ;)
xo
Mama Porch
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