Los Porchs

after much heartache and waiting, it is with humble hearts that we share our news with you... we are *finally* adding another love bug to our family. baby porch is expected to arrive june 2019. thank you for all of your positive vibes, prayers, calls, texts, messages, etc. to let us know you were thinking of us. we are thankful for your support during this challenging season! xo -d

I just realized how many "eve's" I like to celebrate.  I routinely celebrate Friday eve, but today, beta eve seems more appropriate. nope, not like the fish: like the blood test to determine if our 5th frozen transfer was successful. when I stop and reflect on what I've put my body through in the past two years of trying to find our baby, it is truly amazing that my body hasn't straight up quit on me. especially with this cycle and the progesterone in oil injections. those suck and I don't wish them on anyone, except my enemies. There is always hope. (candle from Home Goods by Rae Dunn) There's likely to be a few moments of silence on the blog either way; if it's positive, I will have to pick myself up off the floor and figure out how to do this again (it's been 5 years and I am out of practice). If it's negative, I'll be okay, but will need a few days to process and have some dialogue with our RE. One day at a time... all w...

Spent the afternoon braving Target with C before coming home to tidy up and mentally & emotionally prepare myself for tomorrow.  Tomorrow is Transfer Day. We will transfer 1 wonderful embryo with the hopes of seeing two pink lines 10 days later. I always think I'm going to need help staying busy during the TWW (two week wait) but the time seems to fly because 1. I cheat and use the home pregnancy test and 2. I have a four-year-old who keeps me moving! I count the days by the shots I take in my hip. The first few days seemed okay and truthfully, they all have been... some soreness but overall, I expect things to get way worse. The hardest part for my body has been the bruising. I bruise if you look at me wrong so you can imagine the struggle my body is having with these intramuscular injections... ... and my fall down the stairs at the cabin.  No joke, Friday night, I was walking down the stairs to our room in socks (first mistake) and thought I was being so careful and...

as i prepare myself for the big 3-5 tomorrow, i spent the evening staring down a vial of progesterone in oil (PIO) and the syringe i'd need for this intramuscular devil's work. i put some ice on my gorgeous pre-drawn triangle (hats off to the nurse who made me look like a jack-o-lantern with a triangle on each side of my body), took a deep breath, and did the damn thing.  i didn't hurt any more than the stimulation cycle injections which were subcutaneous, though maybe it was beginner's luck. whatever it was, it didn't make me cry. transfer is scheduled for tuesday afternoon and then it's 10 days of waiting for the blood test. if we get a positive, i get to keep on keepin' on with these shots for 10 more weeks! if not, i get to take a break from the shots and try again later. like a boss.  a jack-o-lantern boss. not today, satan. xo mama porch

I had a baseline ultrasound (day 2 of cycle) yesterday and I nearly fell off the exam table when I heard the words, "everything looks really good!" i felt like i had to look around the room to figure out who dr. b was talking to because surely, with my history, it's not me. but it was! we are moving forward so i am now taking estradiol and hoping for a nice thick uterine lining (i wonder if you ever imagined you'd be learning so much about a woman's cycle). i go back towards the end of the month and if things continue to be in our favor, we can hope for a frozen embryo transfer in this cycle, so possibly early october. i am trying to be optimistic, even though it's a challenge. send good thoughts! d

... sometimes when you're alone and all you do is think... i'm a cowboy... wait, nope. no, that's not right. folks, i'm down to my last week of birth controls pills and i am beyond pumped about it. it means that in a short amount of time, i will have another period (oh the joys) and then i can finally, and i mean finally , start a frozen embryo transfer protocol. in case you missed it, l ast cycle things were still a touch wonky in the ol' ut and the lining held tight when it shouldn't have so the whole thing was deemed a loss and we had to restart the pill. the irony is not lost on me - thinking back to just how many birth control pills i've taken in my life, hoping to prevent the very thing i am now fighting to experience. life is funny.  not like funny haha, more of a funny weird situation these days. we are going to lay low this weekend and enjoy some time at home before school starts - yep, my itty bitty isn't so itty bitty and has found hers...

went for the repeat ultrasound yesterday with my heart filled with positive thoughts and feelings just to find out that my uterine lining is WAY too thick to move forward. in fact, dr. b was worried because my uterus and ovaries seem to be having different conversations about where they are in my cycle. blood was drawn and results revealed that i hadn't ovulated and so, my dear friends, i am back on birth control for an undetermined length of time. the short version of this paragraph:  i didn't bleed enough this month so i have to do it again. you know it's rough when even the doctor has that sad look in her eyes and wraps up the appointment with, "I feel so bad for you, it's just one thing after another." that's why i like her, to be honest. let's not sugar coat this process and let's skip the whole "we'll get 'em next time, tiger" pep talk. it sucks. and we're allowed to feel that, my fellow infertility peeps. it's o...

today i had my baseline ultrasound and my uterine lining is still too thick; they are threatening to cancel the FET cycle and put me back on the birth control for another month. i feel like i'm hitting road block after road block. it is so frustrating to be so close and to have something like this set me back. it's literally out of my control how thick the lining of my uterus is - listen, i never envisioned myself to be sitting here, casually chattin' about my reproductive organs and their happenings, but here we are... what a tuesday, amirite?! i have to wait and if there is no additional bleeding, the cycle is over & i am back to the pill. if there's any kind of hope in the form of bleeding, i have a repeat ultrasound on friday. i am all about hope but i am struggling to keep a grip on it today.  speaking of situations that remind you of your need to get a grip, i registered bug for 4k today.  yep. my kid is going to public school in like 20 days and i just ac...

If it feels like this journey is taking forever, it's because it is! I have 1 more week of active birth control pills to take and then when my cycle starts, I'll go back into the blood work and ultrasound cycle to prepare for the frozen embryo transfer. The drive to the clinic isn't terrible, but it's about 20 minutes each way and with construction, who knows. My car gets amazing gas mileage though so it's not too detrimental to my fuel supply (or my budget).  My ovaries feel significantly better and the hormones aren't quite as ragin' as they were after the retrieval. I get restless when things calm down and sadly, I start to self-destruct at this point. The anxiety has resurfaced and I spend my days talking myself down, reminding myself that this too shall pass. The hardest part of the "hurry up and wait" portion of infertility is the waiting... it gives me too much time in my own head.  I'm trying to stay busy and to find ways to distrac...

we got our update on the embryos today (mychart is seriously a blessing) from the embryologist. of our 17 embryos, 5 are rated A, 5 are rated B, and 7 are rated C as of today. C quality embryos are not likely to continue to progress to become blastocysts so we're really looking at about 10 high-quality embryos. again, this is as of today - we still have 2-3 more days until we know the final number and quality of embryos to be frozen. so rest assured, there won't be 17 tiny porchs running around any time soon. though i am on board with getting a mini van!  the cup holders! the sliding doors! the captain chairs that charlie can get in herself without a boost! i digress. we'll keep you updated as our itty bitty embabies fight the good fight. thank you to all who have reached out, both publicly and privately, to ask about the process or to share their own journey. you're not alone! xo mama porch

i had my egg retrieval on wednesday (yep, the 4th) and we were fortunate enough to have 23 eggs. way more than the 8 we had our first cycle. got our report from the embryologist yesterday and of the 23 eggs, 18 were mature enough to use. still a ridiculous number, right? of those 18, 17 became embryos thanks to ICSI. waiting for a follow-up report tomorrow that will let us know how many of those 17 embryos have progressed! we will be freezing all of the embryos this cycle because i am at a very high risk for ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome and holy buckets - i feel it. this retrieval was more difficult than my first and i am still taking tylenol and ibuprofen to deal with the pain. hoping to do a FET (frozen embryo transfer) sometime in september... always a waiting game! not my favorite kind of shots!  gotta love filling up a sharps container! trigger shot! this is what tells the ovaries to let the eggs go after days of stimulating and telling the ovaries to hold on to ...

Last night I started my other medications; I've been taking Lupron for about a week now. I started Menopur (I used this my first IVF cycle) and Gonal something. Super fun, three shots each night.  ;)  I think it helps that I can put this in perspective -- I've been through child birth. I can probably handle a few shots here and there. It feels much more "meh" thing go round, to be honest. Perhaps it's because I know the struggle isn't in the stimulation process, but in the transfer process... or because I am actively chasing a three-year-old around wondering how the hell I will keep up with an infant if my whole body sounds like Rice Krispies when I stand up after we play on the floor.  We'll see, I guess. One day at a time and all that jazz, right? I continue on this path until Monday morning when I go back for ultrasound & blood work so we can see how things are going. Friday's tests showed that I had like 20 something follicles on each ovary (...

Happy Cycle Day 1! Instructions from the clinic today included starting birth control pills on Thursday and continuing on that path until mid-June.  I'll be ordering my injections in the coming days and then attending an injections class in June.  This is a bit humorous to me as I've obviously already done this before, but after 4 years, I feel a refresher can't hurt. Lupron will start mid-June and then once I get back to CD2, we'll do baseline to see how things are progressing.  If all goes well, I'll continue the injection protocol and be a hormonal hot mess express.  Let's hope I'm done watching Gilmore Girls before I get to that point!  :) Fingers are crossed! xo Mama Porch

Today is CD 2 (CD = cycle day) Today I stopped by the lab here in town and had my blood drawn.  No joke, I felt like I lost 1/2 my blood supply.  I think I counted 10 or 11 vials.  Full work up!  I got handed a container of juice afterwards because the young lady was nervous about how much she had drawn.  Cute, honey, super cute.  This ain't no thang in the scheme of things! We are on our way, folks.  All that's left (I think) is my HSN which will either be late next week or early the following week.  The important thing is that so far, the stars have aligned and we have been able to get things done quickly without having to wait for another cycle to start.   I am feeling really thankful and appreciative for everything that has brought us to this point.  Here's hoping everything continues on this way! Today we are venturing out with our sassy 3-year-old to Target and Costco -- pray for us. xo Mama Porch

No good IVF round begins without its fair share of testing.  All of the tests!!  Our list of ordered labs and testing is pretty impressive. Mama Day 3 blood work (I'll spare you the laundry list) Urine analysis Annual with pap - scheduled this bad boy today and got an appointment for TOMORROW... now let's hope tomorrow doesn't end up being day 1 :/ HSN (hysterosonogram) ~ day 7 Porch Blood work Urine analysis The good ol' semen analysis After all of this is done, we can begin the prep cycle (back to birth control pills) & then move forward if things are going well.  I try really hard not to jump to conclusions, but here am I: Over here! I jumped to this -- Day 1 will likely be Thurs/Fri this week.  Day 3 testing on Sat/Sun.  HSN on Thurs/Fri of next week.  Prep cycle the following month (May) and hopefully starting injections (!) and kickin' off the fun in June.  :)   Fingers crossed that our bodies c...

We're anxiously anticipating our meeting with the doctor tomorrow as we hope to begin the process to create another amazing tiny human.  Our initial consult is tomorrow and we'll likely leave with orders for lots of fun tests so we can see what we're workin' with these days.  I won't lie, I'm pretty sure my endo is back and if they choose to treat it before moving forward, that could set us back about 6 months.  Please keep us in your thoughts in the coming days/weeks/months... I'll keep you posted with information as we return to the trenches of infertility. xo Mama Porch

Here's the thing with infertility; it seems like it's never quite done with me.  Charlotte is 3 and exhaustingly perfect.  I am so insanely thankful that I get to be her mama.  We have tried 4 additional transfers since hers and it just doesn't seem to be in our favor.  I hear the science telling me that I'm done, that I likely won't get to hold a newborn in labor & delivery again and know that this tiny person is mine.  Right? Like this is just the known part of infertility.  The pangs of desire hit me every now and then but I can rationalize them and make the steps to pursue IVF once more (more details on that coming this spring). It's the little things that I forget and then come back to kick me square in the ovaries . It's putting away Charlotte's 3T and 4T clothing and staring woefully at the stack of totes I once optimistically thought would be reopened. It's rocking a baby at work and watching her fall asleep while I'm wondering i...

The lights, the presents.. the joy.. there's so much to be enjoyed and celebrated this time of year.  We are so thankful for the three-nager who makes every day a challenge and the pup who brings us the weirdest occurrences of the zoomies. But still. My heart hurts. For the four babies who simply weren't.  Couldn't be.  2017 wasn't our year. For the desire to add more children to our hot mess express. While there are absolutely times midst argument with Charlotte (Lord help me in the future) I simply cannot fathom adding another tiny fighter to our group, I also am grieving the loss of what could have been.  I didn't know I wanted 5 children until I had 5 embryos.  My motto before IVF was that I would see how bad childbirth was before I agreed to future children; Charlotte was amazing and perfect and I knew I wanted more well before her first birthday. Depression set in and I didn't find the courage to ask for help until much later and when we did atte...

If you follow us on Instagram or are our friends on Facebook, you know that Porch & I (and Charlotte) added a new furry member to our family.  His name is Archer Mallory Sterling Porch and he is not only a perfect fit for our family, he is also a welcome distraction. It is with a somber heart that I share our 4th (and final) frozen embryo transfer was not successful.  If Porch and I are to have another baby, we will need to go through the entire IVF process again or find good fortune with a surprise baby the natural way.  If you remember, our initial odds given to us were < 1% per cycle (this is compared to around 30% for a typical couple).  We're taking a few moments to pause and feel thankful that we were able to attempt 4 frozen transfers and I feel a sense of peace knowing that those embryos aren't just sitting around. We'll keep you updated as we move forward but for now, we are enjoying Charlotte's enthusiasm (understatement) for the holiday season a...

It's been a while since I've stopped moving long enough to post but wanted to share a quick update before I go wrestle my now three-year-old to sleep. We attempted another transfer immediately after our failed cycle.  We went into it optimistic and hopeful.  Unfortunately, that cycle resulted in a BFN (big fat negative) as well.  Better yet, I failed to shed the supped-up lining and was still over 9 when I went for the ultrasound on day 4 -- I have yet to shed the lining and am now patiently waiting for the start of a new cycle so I can get back on the horse and attempt an additional transfer.  For those keeping score, we presently have 2 remaining embabies. Other than that, we've been quite busy chasing around Charlotte and with projects around the house.  We got new appliances, which is wonderful because some of the old stuff was truly falling apart.  We considered doing new cabinets and countertops, but have decided to put that on the back burner u...