Los Porchs

If it feels like this journey is taking forever, it's because it is! I have 1 more week of active birth control pills to take and then when my cycle starts, I'll go back into the blood work and ultrasound cycle to prepare for the frozen embryo transfer. The drive to the clinic isn't terrible, but it's about 20 minutes each way and with construction, who knows. My car gets amazing gas mileage though so it's not too detrimental to my fuel supply (or my budget).  My ovaries feel significantly better and the hormones aren't quite as ragin' as they were after the retrieval. I get restless when things calm down and sadly, I start to self-destruct at this point. The anxiety has resurfaced and I spend my days talking myself down, reminding myself that this too shall pass. The hardest part of the "hurry up and wait" portion of infertility is the waiting... it gives me too much time in my own head.  I'm trying to stay busy and to find ways to distrac...

what says monday better than, "hey, you should go to the er because i need to make sure you don't have a blood clot in your lungs." cool.  so not only did i have to leave work early, i then spent 4 hours in the emergency room (though i have to give crazy amounts of credit to the team at the ER, they were all amazing). good news though, you guys - i'm totally fine. just have a lot of fluid around my kissing ovaries. yeah. did you even know that's a thing? it's true. photo credit // encouragedegg.files.wordpress.com my ovaries are so large and fluid-ridden that they are touching, kissing if you will. have to take it easy to make sure we avoid ovarian torsion (in which they kind of fold over and get twisted, resulting in a surgery to correct). porch & i both laughed when we realized we had both been thinking how great it is that we've already met our deductible for the year; i mean, there won't be labor & delivery this year, but my goodne...

we got our update on the embryos today (mychart is seriously a blessing) from the embryologist. of our 17 embryos, 5 are rated A, 5 are rated B, and 7 are rated C as of today. C quality embryos are not likely to continue to progress to become blastocysts so we're really looking at about 10 high-quality embryos. again, this is as of today - we still have 2-3 more days until we know the final number and quality of embryos to be frozen. so rest assured, there won't be 17 tiny porchs running around any time soon. though i am on board with getting a mini van!  the cup holders! the sliding doors! the captain chairs that charlie can get in herself without a boost! i digress. we'll keep you updated as our itty bitty embabies fight the good fight. thank you to all who have reached out, both publicly and privately, to ask about the process or to share their own journey. you're not alone! xo mama porch

i had my egg retrieval on wednesday (yep, the 4th) and we were fortunate enough to have 23 eggs. way more than the 8 we had our first cycle. got our report from the embryologist yesterday and of the 23 eggs, 18 were mature enough to use. still a ridiculous number, right? of those 18, 17 became embryos thanks to ICSI. waiting for a follow-up report tomorrow that will let us know how many of those 17 embryos have progressed! we will be freezing all of the embryos this cycle because i am at a very high risk for ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome and holy buckets - i feel it. this retrieval was more difficult than my first and i am still taking tylenol and ibuprofen to deal with the pain. hoping to do a FET (frozen embryo transfer) sometime in september... always a waiting game! not my favorite kind of shots!  gotta love filling up a sharps container! trigger shot! this is what tells the ovaries to let the eggs go after days of stimulating and telling the ovaries to hold on to ...

Last night I started my other medications; I've been taking Lupron for about a week now. I started Menopur (I used this my first IVF cycle) and Gonal something. Super fun, three shots each night.  ;)  I think it helps that I can put this in perspective -- I've been through child birth. I can probably handle a few shots here and there. It feels much more "meh" thing go round, to be honest. Perhaps it's because I know the struggle isn't in the stimulation process, but in the transfer process... or because I am actively chasing a three-year-old around wondering how the hell I will keep up with an infant if my whole body sounds like Rice Krispies when I stand up after we play on the floor.  We'll see, I guess. One day at a time and all that jazz, right? I continue on this path until Monday morning when I go back for ultrasound & blood work so we can see how things are going. Friday's tests showed that I had like 20 something follicles on each ovary (...

Happy Cycle Day 1! Instructions from the clinic today included starting birth control pills on Thursday and continuing on that path until mid-June.  I'll be ordering my injections in the coming days and then attending an injections class in June.  This is a bit humorous to me as I've obviously already done this before, but after 4 years, I feel a refresher can't hurt. Lupron will start mid-June and then once I get back to CD2, we'll do baseline to see how things are progressing.  If all goes well, I'll continue the injection protocol and be a hormonal hot mess express.  Let's hope I'm done watching Gilmore Girls before I get to that point!  :) Fingers are crossed! xo Mama Porch

Today is CD 2 (CD = cycle day) Today I stopped by the lab here in town and had my blood drawn.  No joke, I felt like I lost 1/2 my blood supply.  I think I counted 10 or 11 vials.  Full work up!  I got handed a container of juice afterwards because the young lady was nervous about how much she had drawn.  Cute, honey, super cute.  This ain't no thang in the scheme of things! We are on our way, folks.  All that's left (I think) is my HSN which will either be late next week or early the following week.  The important thing is that so far, the stars have aligned and we have been able to get things done quickly without having to wait for another cycle to start.   I am feeling really thankful and appreciative for everything that has brought us to this point.  Here's hoping everything continues on this way! Today we are venturing out with our sassy 3-year-old to Target and Costco -- pray for us. xo Mama Porch

No good IVF round begins without its fair share of testing.  All of the tests!!  Our list of ordered labs and testing is pretty impressive. Mama Day 3 blood work (I'll spare you the laundry list) Urine analysis Annual with pap - scheduled this bad boy today and got an appointment for TOMORROW... now let's hope tomorrow doesn't end up being day 1 :/ HSN (hysterosonogram) ~ day 7 Porch Blood work Urine analysis The good ol' semen analysis After all of this is done, we can begin the prep cycle (back to birth control pills) & then move forward if things are going well.  I try really hard not to jump to conclusions, but here am I: Over here! I jumped to this -- Day 1 will likely be Thurs/Fri this week.  Day 3 testing on Sat/Sun.  HSN on Thurs/Fri of next week.  Prep cycle the following month (May) and hopefully starting injections (!) and kickin' off the fun in June.  :)   Fingers crossed that our bodies c...

We're anxiously anticipating our meeting with the doctor tomorrow as we hope to begin the process to create another amazing tiny human.  Our initial consult is tomorrow and we'll likely leave with orders for lots of fun tests so we can see what we're workin' with these days.  I won't lie, I'm pretty sure my endo is back and if they choose to treat it before moving forward, that could set us back about 6 months.  Please keep us in your thoughts in the coming days/weeks/months... I'll keep you posted with information as we return to the trenches of infertility. xo Mama Porch

The lights, the presents.. the joy.. there's so much to be enjoyed and celebrated this time of year.  We are so thankful for the three-nager who makes every day a challenge and the pup who brings us the weirdest occurrences of the zoomies. But still. My heart hurts. For the four babies who simply weren't.  Couldn't be.  2017 wasn't our year. For the desire to add more children to our hot mess express. While there are absolutely times midst argument with Charlotte (Lord help me in the future) I simply cannot fathom adding another tiny fighter to our group, I also am grieving the loss of what could have been.  I didn't know I wanted 5 children until I had 5 embryos.  My motto before IVF was that I would see how bad childbirth was before I agreed to future children; Charlotte was amazing and perfect and I knew I wanted more well before her first birthday. Depression set in and I didn't find the courage to ask for help until much later and when we did atte...

If you follow us on Instagram or are our friends on Facebook, you know that Porch & I (and Charlotte) added a new furry member to our family.  His name is Archer Mallory Sterling Porch and he is not only a perfect fit for our family, he is also a welcome distraction. It is with a somber heart that I share our 4th (and final) frozen embryo transfer was not successful.  If Porch and I are to have another baby, we will need to go through the entire IVF process again or find good fortune with a surprise baby the natural way.  If you remember, our initial odds given to us were < 1% per cycle (this is compared to around 30% for a typical couple).  We're taking a few moments to pause and feel thankful that we were able to attempt 4 frozen transfers and I feel a sense of peace knowing that those embryos aren't just sitting around. We'll keep you updated as we move forward but for now, we are enjoying Charlotte's enthusiasm (understatement) for the holiday season a...

It's been a while since I've stopped moving long enough to post but wanted to share a quick update before I go wrestle my now three-year-old to sleep. We attempted another transfer immediately after our failed cycle.  We went into it optimistic and hopeful.  Unfortunately, that cycle resulted in a BFN (big fat negative) as well.  Better yet, I failed to shed the supped-up lining and was still over 9 when I went for the ultrasound on day 4 -- I have yet to shed the lining and am now patiently waiting for the start of a new cycle so I can get back on the horse and attempt an additional transfer.  For those keeping score, we presently have 2 remaining embabies. Other than that, we've been quite busy chasing around Charlotte and with projects around the house.  We got new appliances, which is wonderful because some of the old stuff was truly falling apart.  We considered doing new cabinets and countertops, but have decided to put that on the back burner u...

Thank you everyone for your sweet, sweet messages after our last post.  We really embraced the idea that there was nothing we could do to make it go one way or the other and that certainly has helped in dealing with the sense of loss.  Because it is a loss.  Ultimately, we gave a healthy 5-day embryo a fair shake at implantation and ultimately, life.  Obviously better odds than remaining frozen in Chicago or Milwaukee.  We're moving on and feeling thankful for the opportunity to try rather than dwell on the sense of loss. And I was all good in the hood you guys... until I saw my RE again this week and he expressed his "condolences on our miscarriage."  The word hit me like a stake in the heart.  I suddenly felt so much grief.  Maybe it was because someone else was saying it or maybe it was because I had never even once associated a failed transfer with miscarriage... either way, it stung.  To be clear, I still don't consider it a miscarriag...

And they're exactly what I suspected.  Today we got our beta test results back and I felt worse for the young lady who had to call to tell me it was negative than I did for myself to be honest.  It sucks, but I find peace in knowing that we tried.  The thought of 4 frozen embryos never being used made me sad to the point where I didn't even want to try naturally because I was afraid that I'd have to figure out what to do with our frozen babies!  I feel thankful that we were able to try and give that embryo a fair shake.  It just didn't work out. So now we have to decide when we want to try again and get our ducks in a row for that process.  :)  It's going to sting for a while, but I heard my body saying that baby just wasn't there... I'm thankful for a team who was so kind and tender in how they delivered the news; it's something that can't be taught and it means the world.  :) Happy weekend! Mama Porch (Embryos remaining:  3)

Today marks day 7 of our 10 day wait.  I've been sparing you the drama so I'll just give you the update thus far -- BFN.  Of course, I won't know for sure until Friday's beta test.  I'll go early in the morning so we can get results as soon as possible.  I won't lie, the 10 day wait BLOWS.  And peeing on a stick is addicting.  Just straight up addicting. I'm so thankful that I have Charlotte; she helps remind me that we've found success and if this little one isn't meant to join us, we do have 3 more chances.  And I keep reminding myself that this one was frozen and maybe just needs a little extra time.  And of course, there are many people who have negatives on a home pregnancy test but have a positive beta.  Anything is possible. We've been busy with our daily lives and just kinda chuggin' along!  :)  Charlie has swim tonight and Porch will be with her since I close at work. Until Friday, Mama Porch

Folks, tomorrow at this time, I will officially be PUPA -- pregnant until proven otherwise.  We have our transfer scheduled for 12:45 tomorrow afternoon.  Then comes the torturous two week wait.  I have admittedly been so busy at work and "going shopping" (walking in circles around the house behind Charlotte as she pushes her baby in a shopping cart) that I haven't had much time to worry or stress about the process.  This cycle has just flown by and somehow, we're here on transfer eve. Requesting your warm thoughts & baby dust -- with any luck, we'll be a family of 4 soon.  :) I am missing Dr. TK and trusting that our new team is just as skilled... so hard when there's only so many chances. xo Mama Porch

Welcome to Wisconsin, my darlings.  Porch and I drove to Northbrook this past Thursday to bring our 4 embabies (frozen embryos) to join us in Wisconsin where they will hopefully be transferred in the near future.  All things said and done, it was a pretty quick transition.  We drove to our new clinic to get the tank for transport and then headed to Northbrook to the lab and they put the embryos in for us.  We grabbed a quick lunch and then headed back.  I went to work while Porch took the tank back to the new clinic for storage. I feel we look pretty well-rested for parents of 5 under the age of 3.  ;) We're ready!   The long ride home So it was somewhat uneventful if you take out the emotional aspect... you know, of our family being in one state now... and the fact that this means we're 1 step closer to being ready to do a transfer.  ;)  Can you picture me with 5 kids?  Hahahahahaha, I thought I was a hot mess ...

I won't lie, friends. Today was one of those days during which I carefully remind myself that the work day ends at 630. Got a call from our doctor letting me know that to move forward with our insurance, we are required to do a hormone check on day 3 of my next cycle and Porch will need to do another semen analysis. Never mind that we're doing a frozen embryo transfer. This is a stupid requirement and it ends up costing everyone money. I'm going to submit his results from our first IVF round and I'll just have to wait for another mf cycle. I thought we had our poop in a group and could move forward just a little sooner but yet again, I am being reminded that good things take time and hot DAMN do we make good kids. I will try to be patient. This of course does not account for my required hysteroscopy that's scheduled for tomorrow morning. Dr found what could be scar tissue on my uterus. Taking a closer look tomorrow to determine if it's scar tissue or if...

As we mentally & emotionally prepare ourselves for an FET, I slide between emotions.  Sadness that we have to go through this again; thankfulness that we have embryos to use rather than starting back at square one; gratitude and overwhelming love for the boisterous two-year-old who is currently being made into a baby burrito in our living room; fear that we'll be a one-child family; shame that I have this great kid and I'm still a little hurt by pregnant announcements.  It's a shit show at best. A shit show made greater by trying to read through our new insurance policy to see what's covered and feeling a touch of PTSD as I'm hit by the terminology and memories of our first round of IVF.  I guess my big question for our consult is to find out what we have to do to get our 4 embabies from Chicago.  My bigger question is how soon we can move forward. I'm seeking calm. I'm seeking patience. I'm seeking acceptance. We'll see how the appointment ...

Wow, there was a whole lot of silence from me these past few months and I just kinda felt the need to check in with you all!  I've gotten some messages asking if things are okay -- they are!  We're good! No.  I'm not pregnant. But ohmygosh you guys, I often feel so damn tired after chasing Charlie around that I sometimes feel like I'm first-trimester-tired.  You know the kind.  Barely awake past 8:30; falling asleep in your toddler's (albeit full-sized) bed and not waking up until 6am and realizing what you've done.  Yep. But we do have some news on the baby front... kind of... not really.  Okay, so we don't really have news per se, I feel like that somehow indicates we're pregnant.  What we're doing is going to meet with an RE here in Wisconsin and making a game plan for when we can do an FET (frozen embryo transfer).  We have 4 embabies frozen in Chicago waiting on us to get our poop in a group and bring them home!  :) Th...