Changing of the Seasons

We are approaching the one-year anniversary of when Ryan completed suicide. It brings a lot of emotions and feelings and memories and honestly - exhaustion. I have spent the last year in therapy digging myself out of a lot of those feelings and learning how to be Danie and not Porch and Danie. There have been a lot (!) of tears, a lot of me yelling at Ryan, cursing his name for leaving me to parent alone, a lot of wondering what comes next for the girl gang, a lot of rebuilding.

But we're here. I'm here. And arguably stronger than ever (though not physically - listen, I eat my feelings and will work on that side of things later -- DO NOT SEND ME MLM BS ABOUT LOSING WEIGHT). I am much more aware of myself and the girls and more emotionally present than I've ever been. Those girls have been my light through some really dark shit.

The seasons are changing. We are almost through our season of "firsts." And if you know, you know. If you don't, you're quite fortunate.

This next season though is going to be all about us and our growth and starting new traditions. Of being free and light and open to so much. The bubble is slowly fading and we're ready for it! The holidays have always been my favorite and last year, I did what was necessary to make sure the kids were alright. But this year? Mother fuckin' joy, baby! I'm here for it. I've got it. I'm sharin' it. So much love and joy up in this house!

I make bucket lists because I love having the hope and the thinking of "I dunno, what do you wanna do" already done. Here's what I wanna do. I'm ready. Ask me! :)

I am so profoundly thankful for the tribe that has held the bubble for us. But I'm also thankful for the folks who respected the bubble. For not asking questions that might be hurtful or harmful. The girls and I have been through some dark and trying times and I truly appreciate everyone. Either for being here for us or for staying away.

The girl gang is ready.

We're here for it.

CHRISTMAS TREES IN EVERY ROOM!

Danie

Comments

The neighborhood gem

We have lived in our current place for about 2.5 years. Sunday marked the first time EVER that we walked to the neighborhood park and participated in open swim at the pool. I don't know why it took so long... maybe because we're not usually here on the weekends? Not sure. But Sunday was such a gorgeous day that we couldn't resist the urge to be outside but this preggo needed to be cool. I mentioned the pool and called to find out deets (hours, type of swim, fee, etc) and we slipped on our suits & were out the door in no time! We had been working all morning to assemble baby gear and catch up on laundry so we welcomed the break. We spent about an hour soaking up the sun and floating around in the water. We really aren't going anywhere (no more trips to the cabin or Green Bay for me) between now and the baby's arrival so I suspect that if the weather is nice, we'll be more likely to consider the pool. Hey, it's clean, free, and close to home. Can...

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I suppose this kid's gonna need somewhere to sleep...

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