Los Porchs

Thank you everyone for your sweet, sweet messages after our last post.  We really embraced the idea that there was nothing we could do to make it go one way or the other and that certainly has helped in dealing with the sense of loss.  Because it is a loss.  Ultimately, we gave a healthy 5-day embryo a fair shake at implantation and ultimately, life.  Obviously better odds than remaining frozen in Chicago or Milwaukee.  We're moving on and feeling thankful for the opportunity to try rather than dwell on the sense of loss. And I was all good in the hood you guys... until I saw my RE again this week and he expressed his "condolences on our miscarriage."  The word hit me like a stake in the heart.  I suddenly felt so much grief.  Maybe it was because someone else was saying it or maybe it was because I had never even once associated a failed transfer with miscarriage... either way, it stung.  To be clear, I still don't consider it a miscarriage.  The embryo never impla

And they're exactly what I suspected.  Today we got our beta test results back and I felt worse for the young lady who had to call to tell me it was negative than I did for myself to be honest.  It sucks, but I find peace in knowing that we tried.  The thought of 4 frozen embryos never being used made me sad to the point where I didn't even want to try naturally because I was afraid that I'd have to figure out what to do with our frozen babies!  I feel thankful that we were able to try and give that embryo a fair shake.  It just didn't work out. So now we have to decide when we want to try again and get our ducks in a row for that process.  :)  It's going to sting for a while, but I heard my body saying that baby just wasn't there... I'm thankful for a team who was so kind and tender in how they delivered the news; it's something that can't be taught and it means the world.  :) Happy weekend! Mama Porch (Embryos remaining:  3)

Today I decided to take Charlie in for her persistent back pain.  She complains to me every day about her back hurting and always points to the same dang spot, we're going on weeks if not a month of this now.  Doctor says things look okay but ordered blood work (and you can imagine how well that goes with a 2-year-old).  We tried to do it today but her vein rolled and we didn't have success.  So tomorrow morning, I get to take her to another clinic where she doesn't know anyone and have the draw done there.  To say I'm anxious is probably an understatement.  It's probably nothing, but I also don't want to ignore it and have it be something that would have been easier to address if caught sooner.  And no, I have not once googled this symptom because I do not need Dr. Google to tell me that my kid has some rare bone disease or cancer.  I'll leave that to the experts. For what it's worth, Charlotte was pumped to get a bandage.  We're very much into th

Today marks day 7 of our 10 day wait.  I've been sparing you the drama so I'll just give you the update thus far -- BFN.  Of course, I won't know for sure until Friday's beta test.  I'll go early in the morning so we can get results as soon as possible.  I won't lie, the 10 day wait BLOWS.  And peeing on a stick is addicting.  Just straight up addicting. I'm so thankful that I have Charlotte; she helps remind me that we've found success and if this little one isn't meant to join us, we do have 3 more chances.  And I keep reminding myself that this one was frozen and maybe just needs a little extra time.  And of course, there are many people who have negatives on a home pregnancy test but have a positive beta.  Anything is possible. We've been busy with our daily lives and just kinda chuggin' along!  :)  Charlie has swim tonight and Porch will be with her since I close at work. Until Friday, Mama Porch

Folks, tomorrow at this time, I will officially be PUPA -- pregnant until proven otherwise.  We have our transfer scheduled for 12:45 tomorrow afternoon.  Then comes the torturous two week wait.  I have admittedly been so busy at work and "going shopping" (walking in circles around the house behind Charlotte as she pushes her baby in a shopping cart) that I haven't had much time to worry or stress about the process.  This cycle has just flown by and somehow, we're here on transfer eve. Requesting your warm thoughts & baby dust -- with any luck, we'll be a family of 4 soon.  :) I am missing Dr. TK and trusting that our new team is just as skilled... so hard when there's only so many chances. xo Mama Porch