Los Porchs

tonight when i did my progesterone shot, i pulled the needle out and my body legit squirted the progesterone in oil right back out. not all of it, but enough to be comical and i really just wanted to share that with you fine people who are either in the trenches with me, have been in the trenches, or are supporting someone who is there presently. sometimes, if you don't laugh, you'll cry. find the humor, like your body straight up rejecting to accept the oil.  hahaha, even typing this, i'm still laughing. xo -d

Can I tell you a secret? I cheated. A lot. I took several at home pregnancy tests before I took the blood test. I had to know. I don't think I could handle being told "I'm so sorry, you're not pregnant" one more time - and especially not without already having had time to process the loss. (POAS = pee on a stick) I was surprised how quickly I could see the line, but now when I look at them, it's not as obvious to me. Just squint.  Real hard. Another indication I was pregnant?  I switched to iced coffee because hot coffee sounded gross. When I was pregnant with Charlie, this was all I drank. No morning sickness, no real complaints other than the injection site from my progesterone. Just me and my pumpkin! xo -d

after much heartache and waiting, it is with humble hearts that we share our news with you... we are *finally* adding another love bug to our family. baby porch is expected to arrive june 2019. thank you for all of your positive vibes, prayers, calls, texts, messages, etc. to let us know you were thinking of us. we are thankful for your support during this challenging season! xo -d

I just realized how many "eve's" I like to celebrate.  I routinely celebrate Friday eve, but today, beta eve seems more appropriate. nope, not like the fish: like the blood test to determine if our 5th frozen transfer was successful. when I stop and reflect on what I've put my body through in the past two years of trying to find our baby, it is truly amazing that my body hasn't straight up quit on me. especially with this cycle and the progesterone in oil injections. those suck and I don't wish them on anyone, except my enemies. There is always hope. (candle from Home Goods by Rae Dunn) There's likely to be a few moments of silence on the blog either way; if it's positive, I will have to pick myself up off the floor and figure out how to do this again (it's been 5 years and I am out of practice). If it's negative, I'll be okay, but will need a few days to process and have some dialogue with our RE. One day at a time... all w

... to pee on a stick. today is 5dp5dt (5 days post 5 day transfer). technically, this was the point where i tested with charlotte's transfer and got the faintest of faint lines. i can't bring myself to buy a test because i don't know what i'll feel if there's no 2nd line. feeling feelings, xo -d

Things went well this afternoon & I was even complimented on not only the lining of my uterus (beautiful and thick), but also on my wonderfully full bladder. So yeah, I was kind of crushing it.  It was all routine and I have to say, that embryo was looking mighty fine. It was a grade A (seriously, they are rated and this nugget got an A) and was assisted with hatching and progressing nicely! All things considered, there is no reason this shouldn't be our lucky #6! Blood test is next Friday & we'll see what our next steps will be... I have to say, knowing what we're fighting for makes it much easier to do these shots in my bum. I can take a deep breath and remind myself what this is all for & what the big picture could truly hold for us. One day at a time. xo -D

Spent the afternoon braving Target with C before coming home to tidy up and mentally & emotionally prepare myself for tomorrow.  Tomorrow is Transfer Day. We will transfer 1 wonderful embryo with the hopes of seeing two pink lines 10 days later. I always think I'm going to need help staying busy during the TWW (two week wait) but the time seems to fly because 1. I cheat and use the home pregnancy test and 2. I have a four-year-old who keeps me moving! I count the days by the shots I take in my hip. The first few days seemed okay and truthfully, they all have been... some soreness but overall, I expect things to get way worse. The hardest part for my body has been the bruising. I bruise if you look at me wrong so you can imagine the struggle my body is having with these intramuscular injections... ... and my fall down the stairs at the cabin.  No joke, Friday night, I was walking down the stairs to our room in socks (first mistake) and thought I was being so careful and slow