Los Porchs

After a stay in the NICU early on, today's shots sucked but I immediately got to hold my baby & nurse her to console her. She was back to smiling in no time. She probably won't ever trust that MA again, but I was proud of both of us. It made me think about the mommas with babies in the NICU & that dull ache of longing to hold your baby but not being able to snuggle. I'm so thankful for my now healthy baby & for the team at Children's who supported her. Even though she wasn't "critical," she was in the NICU for a reason and it was hard. ... the shots weren't the hardest part of today's visit. The worst part was trying not to freak as the pediatrician starts asking me questions about C's arms and does she always favor her right arm? As I looked down at C on the exam table, I notice she isnt really moving her left arm. Immediately, without a moment of hesitation, I feel like shit. How the hell have I not noticed this? And then she p

I find myself going through dresser drawers when Charlie gives in to the nap, especially on weekends at home, and wondering why the hell I didn't do this sooner.  After years of holding onto those size 5 jeans and other items that are never (let's face it) going to fit me again, I find it so cathartic to throw those items into a giant garbage bag and either throw them away or donate them to Goodwill.  You know what I'm talking about, those "someday" jeans. My someday is here.  It's my someday of being a mommy.  It's my someday of being happy with my body and all that it has done for me.  My someday of no longer wishing and hoping for something different.  It's time to let go of the past and savor the present.  It's my time of happiness & contentment.  Sure, my body is a little squishy in some places and I have a few stretch marks that weren't there before, but I'm below my pre-IVF weight and I'm able to feed my [very] hungry baby

It's hard to get myself together, you know what I mean?  It's like either I'm totally on it at home or I'm killin' it at work but never both at once.  It's always kinda been that way for me, but right now, I am in a weird place where I feel like I'm lucky if my socks match which is SO not me.  But it is.  Because I'm a new me.  This is my mommyhood life and I need to find a new balance. So that means I have to... ... lay my clothes out the night before ... lay C's clothes out the night before ... leave my bc by the coffee so I remember to take it each morning around the 6 am feeding ... leave the lunchbox near the bc so I remember to pack breastmilk for the day ... shower at night so I can sleep as long as possible after that early morning feeing ... go to bed before I'm exhausted (I'm still working on this one) ... let Porch do more cuddling so I can get my homework done (getting better at this, though I suspect hardship when I am b

|| Charlotte likes || ... cuddling on Momma or Daddy's chests ... the Baby Bjorn ... cluster feeding (girl's got to grow!) ... sharing good morning smiles & chatter with momma & daddy when we get her out of her crib ... a good, snug swaddle (best sleep ever) || Charlotte dislikes || *We're pretty aware of Charlotte's dislikes -- she's pretty vocal about it. ... being burped mid-way through her bottle ... being in the backseat of Momma's car by herself ... hunger (of any kind, picture a Snickers commercial -- girlfriend gets HANGRY) ... afternoon naps ... tummy time (great for getting out gas bubbles) ... facial expressions (love seeing her personality emerging) ... her hair is changing colors ever so slightly and I can't wait to see what she ends up with! || Things Charlotte is undecided about at this point || ... bath time ... the car seat -- hates getting into it, but enjoys the car/stroller ride ... the K'Tan wrap  || Special th