Los Porchs

I have been spending more and more time in our infant rooms at work and find that it's not painful anymore.  In fact, it's been encouraging to me and reinforcing how much I love young infants and miss the baby stages now that Charlotte is CLEARLY not a baby.  "My do MYself."  (Excuse me .) That being said, we're moving forward.  We made an appointment with an RE here in Milwaukee to figure out our next step with regards to getting our 4 embabies in Chicago here in Wisconsin with us and hope to do a transfer some time in the coming months.  Sadly, the first available appointment isn't until February so we have lots of time to reflect and get excited before we dive right back into the world of hormones, anxiety, and battles with insurance. We are embracing change and taking the leap.  :) I'm not sure how much or when we'll post updates about the process, but I hope to share our story openly.  I know I'll never have the surprise pregnancy and...

As I sat in the toddler classroom at work today, rocking an almost-two-year-old nugget to sleep while listening to the rain falling on the roof and looking at the gorgeous fall colors in our centers backyard, I couldn't help but think about the changing of the seasons, and how things fall apart to come back together.  The leaves predictably change color and float down every fall and start anew in the spring.  This mirrors our lives and how I am working to let the sorrow fall... in hopes that something new will find me in the coming season.  I lean on hope and optimism and have to remind myself that it's okay to have hope.  It's okay to be excited.  We are moving forward, even if we are taking the smallest of baby steps known to mankind (seriously). I take comfort in knowing this is our life.  We're in this together.  And there's every possibility that by the time we're watching the leaves fall and getting excited about the holidays next year, we may ...

I saw this online the other day and at first, thought how appropriate it is for what Porch & I have been attempting lately (lots of running) but after some deeper thought and revisiting, I've come to think of this as being more fitting for our story on the road to making a tiny human. I think it's appropriate, meaningful, and inspirational all at once.  A great reminder that no matter how slow we move, how many baby steps (no pun intended) we take, as long as we keep moving forward, it's better than giving up in frustration.  I once had a colleague tell me that it was only important that we "keep moving forward, no matter what."  That mantra has stuck with me for years and I've come to apply it personally and professionally.  It's okay that this is taking time.  It's our story and it will never be the same as anyone else's story. Likewise, I am not a runner.  I honestly don't even know why I started running, but damn it.  It feels so ...

Tomorrow is a big big day for me both personally and professionally.  When I lay my head down tomorrow night, I will have undergone two huge processes. I plan to arrive to the center tomorrow morning bright and early before we open to ensure things are in order for our NAEYC assessor who will be there to conduct our site visit.  This is the technical culmination of our one-year process of reflection.  It's overwhelming and I am so glad this will be done before we go away for the weekend. Personally, I will have my HSG done tomorrow afternoon.  I need to be there by 3:30 so I plan to leave as soon as the NAEYC visit is complete.  I'm hoping that Dr. TK will be able to tell us what he's able to see during the procedure and that we won't be waiting for answers too long.  I'm hopeful. My stressors are colliding and it's put me on edge; it's also lead me to a new-found love for running.  Okay, jogging.  Maybe even just fast walking; it's hard to ...

If you can believe in something great, you can achieve something great. -Katy Perry, A Piece of Me (seriously, I just quoted this) Today was my first appointment with our new specialist and I spent over an hour waiting to be seen but it was worth every second and I would do it again to walk out with the fresh feeling of confidence and hope. I went alone since the consultation is usually pretty boring and someone using a crude diagram of a uterus to explain the reproduction cycle and how IVF works.   Our new(ish) plan is to check in when my cycle starts and go ahead with the injection of fluid into ye olde uterus to see if there's scar tissue on my tubes and then use that test to inform our decision of IUI vs IVF.  So we've got a plan, fluid, but a plan none the less.  So sometime this month, I expect we'll know our official plan.  I saw him jot some notes during our conversation (Clomid was among them) and get the feeling that he already knows where ...

I am in Milwaukee for my future sister-in-law's bachelorette weekend.  I got to town Friday night and we went out with her mom and her maid of honor before going back to her place where I got to see her try on her wedding gown and veil and the whole sha-bam which just made me really excited about this wedding.  Saturday morning after her hair appointment, we made a run to Bayshore Mall to see if Charming Charlie's had any gray jewelry (it did not and for the record, silver is not gray).  I did however find a moment of peace.  Weird, right?  How in the midst of an ordinary moment, something comes along that changes how you feel? Infertility is heavy.  It's a weight on my shoulders that will likely never go away, even when we do find success.  It's just a long road and at times, I really just want to give up.  But somehow, I always find hope (usually from Porch's amazing support).  Saturday, I found hope in a different place.  Myself. ...

Yes -- this is indeed my second post of the day, it's an update to the previous post. Alright, I'll be positive -- but just for a moment in time.  Don't think this is like the "new me" or anything. We've got our appointment scheduled for after Labor Day and we've already given the approval code to the office so they can verify everything before our arrival.  It's starting to feel more cohesive and organized (which I love).  I'm ready for good things to come to us and hey, maybe we'll have our plan together before the big 3-0 sneaks up on me! I'm done.  Go back to thinking I'm snarky, I prefer it. xoxo

Wow.  Feeling the love today as we celebrate crossing the 10,000 visits threshold.  So many of you have been with us from the beginning, creeping with an insane amount of dedication.  We enjoy sharing our story with you and finding support in your emails, texts, and comments.  As you may know, we are on a new adventure as we seek to expand our family and become one of those annoying blogs that's only about children and how hard life is with a child.  ;)  You know we already rely on coffee to keep us going... imagine our lives with children.  Yikes.  Perhaps we should invest in Starbucks now and cut to the chase. We are so thankful to have your love and support (and your creepage). Cheers to 10,000 more, xoxo

I saw this gem while shopping this weekend and was really inspired by the message. I need to stop fearing the what ifs and just enjoy the adventure I'm on for what it is - my adventure! It's okay to have fears, but I can't let them keep me from taking the next steps. What fears are holding you back? Have you overcome any fears lately? xoxo

I've written about a paragraph of the final paper for my summer course that's due on Wednesday. Every time I sit down to work on it, I get distracted and start procrastinating.  I get turned off by the content of the class because (of course) it's all about babies and their development from conception through the third year.  I have learned so much and usually the lectures are so informative that I am distracted from the twinge of pain I feel when talking about babies and my lack of them.  I really thought completing this track for the Infant Toddler Specialist Certificate would be the perfect distraction; I realize now that I was only kind of right.  Our next course is Family Relations and I am crazy excited about that one as working with families is one of the best parts of my job and because it means I won't be spending week after week reading about the development of children and classroom discussions about everyone else's babies. But alas, I have hope.  H...