Los Porchs

Hi, it's me - I know it's been a while, but I've been deep inside that bubble I mentioned when everything first happened in November 2020 and I am starting to emerge having done some serious healing and navigating within the trauma of being a suicide survivor and a sole parent. This has nothing to do with that though. I'm dumping this thought here because I need it documented: You know how the conservative crowd tends to use "Well I don't have any children, why should I help pay for the schools?" and "People are just too lazy to work, I don't know why we need social services to help people pay for their child care and food?" I'm noticing those are the same voices I hear in restaurants complaining that there are no servers. No bartenders. No one available to change their oil or to do other trade work. And no one to watch their children.  The CEO of the company I work for posted a big response about how child care is the gatekeeper to folks

Everyone knows by now in our social circle and no one else really "cares" or "needs to know" but I feel like I still need this outlet because the one person I used to be able to talk things through with is no longer here. Porch passed away on November 6th and left a hole in our hearts and in our daily lives. The girls and I are doing the best we can to figure it out and find some kind, any kind of peace.  This feels ramble-y already but like I said, I have no one to sit on the couch with at night and chat with so... if you make it through this, I'm sorry. Suicide is such a bitch. I get it - I get mental health and will forever sing the praises for taking care of ones mental health and advocate for taking the steps (medication, therapy, etc) to live a healthy life. But I also get that sometimes, our demons cripple us. In a way that we just can't come back from. I have been describing this to C as daddy's brain being so sick that it couldn't hear his h

BUT SO MUCH HARDER! When I was home with the girls, it was so so SO hard to have the two of them, wanting to give them both attention and keep a schedule together for C while I figured out V's rhythms. But at least we could go to the park to burn energy or to the zoo to have an adventure. It was hard, but we weren't isolated. My heart feels so much for the new mamas who find themselves in isolation, trying to figure it out without their complete support system and supportive environment. We love our family walks, but it's not the same as going over to nana and papa's for a pool date or going up to the cabin for a change of scenery. Instead, we are in a loop of days that look similar (which I guess is a good thing, we're developing new rhythms) to the point where they are all blended together. I no longer measure the passing of time by the work/home days but more so by if I'm getting a Class DoJo notification to have C work on homework. I've given mysel

Facebook Messenger video chat is my new favorite way to send my child off into another room as she plays with filters and has a virtual playdate while I either nurse the baby down or work on grading homework. It's nothing short of magical. Kindergarten show & tell via Zoom is painful. Best enjoyed from another room. Violet's front tooth is comin' on down as the next contestant! It's broken the skin and on it's way down. Sad news though, the bottom two on the other side of the jack-o-lantern teeth (guys, i am admittedly not a dental professional) are ready to pop. ibuprofen is a big staple in our home and i am so glad i stocked up before being quarantined. cocktail hour started early today - 1:45pm charlie received a giant art kit and drawing paper from memaw & christi got a refund check for the portion of the cheerleading class that charlie is signed up for this season (they canceled the remainder). she didn't attend a single session so i'll

yesterday i neglected to mention that violet is teething like crazy and as a result, her sleep has been a touch needier than usual. just one look at those gums and i can't help but feel that i would do literally anything to make it suck less. alexa is probably sick of hearing charlie's requests (i know i am) charlie must be going through a growth spurt, right? why else would she suddenly be such a heathen that i literally do not recognize? yes, it's a pandemic and her life is weird, but this has been a whole new level of extra that i no longer consider appropriate. 

Day 2 of Danie's Quarantine: after charlie's 39th meltdown over not getting to use technology until homework is done, cocktail hour started at 3:30pm. today i discovered how much violet loves the "10 little ladybugs" book i showered and put on clothes that weren't pajamas but did not wash my hair (i mean, really). charlie & i baked the friendship bread that she got as a starter from a friend at school after a few days of taking care of the starter. charlie approves and thinks its delicious. i still have a bag of the starter if anyone wants in on this. feeding charlie every 2-3 hours seems key to avoiding the hangry meltdown, but the big feelings still came through this afternoon (see above). nana and papa sent over a painting activity that charlie really got into - she loved mixing the colors violet had her first pretzel rod & loved it, except for that first hit of salt she got -- wasn't a fan! violet took a kick-ass 2-hour nap this afternoo