Los Porchs

I am in Milwaukee for my future sister-in-law's bachelorette weekend.  I got to town Friday night and we went out with her mom and her maid of honor before going back to her place where I got to see her try on her wedding gown and veil and the whole sha-bam which just made me really excited about this wedding.  Saturday morning after her hair appointment, we made a run to Bayshore Mall to see if Charming Charlie's had any gray jewelry (it did not and for the record, silver is not gray).  I did however find a moment of peace.  Weird, right?  How in the midst of an ordinary moment, something comes along that changes how you feel? Infertility is heavy.  It's a weight on my shoulders that will likely never go away, even when we do find success.  It's just a long road and at times, I really just want to give up.  But somehow, I always find hope (usually from Porch's amazing support).  Saturday, I found hope in a different place.  Myself. I found this bracelet at Char

You know what sucks?  Pinterest.  I suspect you already knew that, especially my mommy friends who strive to make everything Pinterest-perfect for their children.  I have a love-hate relationship with Pinterest for a different reason. It both inspires and crushes me. Those stupid pins with cute ideas about how to announce a pregnancy?  Blow me.  I LOVE to pin them and start to feel excited about the possibility of someday needing them.  And then moments later, feel totally deflated by them.  I noticed when I first pinned something baby-related, people jumped right in with the, "Is this your way of telling us something?" comments.  I love you all.  And please know that my family and close friends will not be notified via picture or some other crafty method I find on Pinterest. That's for the social-media and acquaintance world.  Not family.  Do you think anyone wants to find out that they're going to be a grandmother via Facebook?  Spare your mother her feelings

Yes -- this is indeed my second post of the day, it's an update to the previous post. Alright, I'll be positive -- but just for a moment in time.  Don't think this is like the "new me" or anything. We've got our appointment scheduled for after Labor Day and we've already given the approval code to the office so they can verify everything before our arrival.  It's starting to feel more cohesive and organized (which I love).  I'm ready for good things to come to us and hey, maybe we'll have our plan together before the big 3-0 sneaks up on me! I'm done.  Go back to thinking I'm snarky, I prefer it. xoxo

Huzzah.  I am the proud new owner of an approval code for the specialist we chose.  Funny how today they were practically throwin' it out like beads at Mardi Gras. Didn't even have to repeat myself. Yessssss! Step 1 is officially conquered and now I just need to schedule our consultation with this fancy new doctor.  I'm guessing that my early-bird philosophy will not earn me the worm today as most offices are not open just yet, but I am hopeful that by the end of the day, I will have an appointment on the calendar and something to look forward to as #30 looms ahead. I don't know why, but 30 seems like a big deal. xoxo

Our family motto (on our non-existent family crest) would seemingly be "One step forward, three steps back."  We're just having that kind of fortune right now in our quest to produce a tiny human.  And of course, we just want said tiny human so we too can litter Facebook and Instagram with 800 pictures daily.  Just throwin' that out there. oh someecards.com, i really don't know what i'd do without you. you get me. and my terrible sense of humor. Anyway, after a very difficult game of phone tag, I was able to connect with our insurance company and got the unfortunate news that although we are approved for the program, we cannot use the specialist we had originally been so excited to meet with.  We've spent the past two evenings researching (anyone who knows Porch knows the level of research that went on in this household) specialists that the insurance company will allow us to utilize.  Even though it means we just wasted over a month of our lives wa

I've been shouting "It's time to cook, bitch!" and "It's science, bitch!" all weekend.  We really wanted to get our hands on some Haz-Mat suits so we could get the full effect.  In hindsight, we probably watch too much Breaking Bad for our own good.  We had friends over this weekend and brewed Porch's first batch of beer in his big kid kit.  Sad, sad morning when it accidentally clanked against the bathtub and knocked the bottom right out of the carboy.  Ever watched 5 gallons of delicious-smelling beer literally go down the drain?  We have.  And it broke our hearts. But.  We understand and appreciate the learning curve with such a hobby and resiliently made our way to Brew & Grow this afternoon so we can try, try, try again.  We'll be brewing a fine Robust Porter this afternoon and will be applying all we've learned to this new batch. And we sure did buy a plastic carboy this go-round.  Collectively, we're not the most graceful c

Folks, some of you are going to judge me for posting this because there's a swear word in it.  But guess what?  You're just going to have to get over that and take this in, because I think it's pretty articulate, even with the f-bomb.  I fucking love the f-bomb. I stumbled across this while connecting with other couples who are working through similar issues... I won't lie, it's pretty much everything I've ever wanted to scream from the top of my lungs.  But didn't.  Because Porch would probably have me committed.  I love that there's an outlet/network of support for those who are finding their way through infertility and the emotions and feelings that accompany it.  Even though there are days when I feel utterly alone and isolated even when I'm surrounded by people, it's nice to know that the feeling is normal and that I will find the sunshine again. In the mean time, this was just too good not to share!!! " Top 10 Things Infertil

This week has made me so angry and rage-filled with regards to our insurance company.  Hell hath no fury like a woman whose cycle just started in need of medical attention and unable to get answers from the insurance company.  I'm supposed to go see the fertility specialist as soon as possible for hormone level testing (again).  I waited 35 days for this moment and now that it's here, I still don't have answers from the insurance company and I'm about ready to release the kraken. How hard is it to give me the flippin' approval code so I can move on with my process?!  We know we were approved.  The question was that our specialist had recently started her own practice and had a new address -- it felt like talking to an 8-year-old when I called the other day.  I just want to move on.  I'm sick of being in this place of limbo.  If there's nothing that can be done, we'd like to explore other options like adoption or foster care but we're not ready to sta

Maybe try to be realistic when you're complimenting someone... while with coworkers this week, one (sweet as pie) said, "Danielle!  You look like you've lost weight!"  YES!  I'm pumped, thanks! Her follow-up was less exciting, "Have you lost like, what?  30 pounds?" Listen. We all know I didn't lose 30 pounds.  I'd have been happy just to hear you say I look like I've lost weight, you don't have to get that specific.  Now I know it was empty. And I feel fat. But -- it did motivate me to get my ass to the track tonight with Porch.  I even thought about running.  Sometimes, it really is the thought that counts.  ;) xoxo

I consider myself to be a fairly efficient person.  I can typically beat deadlines or come crashing into them with what I like to consider grace and poise.  In short, I have my shit together.  Usually.  I suspect that many grad students will tell you that they've perhaps blocked out large portions of their studies as the chaos around that time was so great.  Working full-time and going to school at a pretty amazing school (where you actually have to read and contribute to meaningful dialogue) was pretty intense this summer.  Like... everything in my closet wound up on the floor in a hot mess and things that I had been putting on my "to do" list just kept getting moved from old list to new list. Tonight Porch met up with some friends from college and I found myself at home for the first time in a long time with actual time.  I took this opportunity to turn off the computer and power through with a movie on in the background and did it!  Organized the closet, washed our b