Skip to main content

The moment I realized we'd be okay...

Let me preface this by saying it was the moment I knew we'd be okay awesome as parents.  Not that we'd get over this whole notion of "jinxing" ourselves.  That's something we're still working on and it's another blog post (or three).

We're driving after our excursion to check out baby furniture and I am trying to process what the hell just happened.  I've never been so overwhelmed by a store, much less two of them.  I was overwhelmed by Pottery Barn Kids because no one there seemed interested in our business.  I was also overwhelmed by how pretentious the things in the store are; I know what I need and what I don't and what's just fluff to make us look like good parents.  I was overwhelmed at Land of Nod because when you walk in, the showroom runs the full gamut; cribs through bedroom sets for older children and it was like having the wind knocked out of me as I realized this tiny human is coming and is going to grow up faster than I would like... and then that sales lady vocalized the thought for me and caught me off-guard.

So we're driving along and I begin to talk to Porch about the events of the afternoon and was questioning myself "Am I a deadbeat for not already having a registry or knowing what crib we want?" and caught myself.  And smiled.  Because none of that stuff matters to me.  I am so focused on having a healthy baby to hold that I couldn't care less about where he or she sleeps or if the sheets are organic or match the curtains.  All that matters is that Porch & I are parents to a tiny human and the rest will fall together as it's meant to... we're only at 4 months this coming Tuesday so there's plenty of time to be overwhelmed by choices (and prices).  I'm content to focus on feeling pregnant and anticipating what it will feel like to feel baby's movements.

These moments will fly by and they are moments that Porch and I waited over 4 years to have so we are going to cherish them rather than wish them away.

xoxo

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Momma K

It's true.  I love my mom.  She's my best source of advice & wisdom, even though it took me roughly 20 years to figure that out.  I just wanted to take a quick second and thank her for all that she's done for me and especially for the things she didn't do for me.  =)  I wouldn't be the person I am today without her. Love you mom! We're pretty fabulous, no?

It doesn't matter how slow you go...

I saw this online the other day and at first, thought how appropriate it is for what Porch & I have been attempting lately (lots of running) but after some deeper thought and revisiting, I've come to think of this as being more fitting for our story on the road to making a tiny human. I think it's appropriate, meaningful, and inspirational all at once.  A great reminder that no matter how slow we move, how many baby steps (no pun intended) we take, as long as we keep moving forward, it's better than giving up in frustration.  I once had a colleague tell me that it was only important that we "keep moving forward, no matter what."  That mantra has stuck with me for years and I've come to apply it personally and professionally.  It's okay that this is taking time.  It's our story and it will never be the same as anyone else's story. Likewise, I am not a runner.  I honestly don't even know why I started running, but damn it.  It feels so ...

It is not 1950; I do not vacuum in pearls.

Hi, it's me - I know it's been a while, but I've been deep inside that bubble I mentioned when everything first happened in November 2020 and I am starting to emerge having done some serious healing and navigating within the trauma of being a suicide survivor and a sole parent. This has nothing to do with that though. I'm dumping this thought here because I need it documented: You know how the conservative crowd tends to use "Well I don't have any children, why should I help pay for the schools?" and "People are just too lazy to work, I don't know why we need social services to help people pay for their child care and food?" I'm noticing those are the same voices I hear in restaurants complaining that there are no servers. No bartenders. No one available to change their oil or to do other trade work. And no one to watch their children.  The CEO of the company I work for posted a big response about how child care is the gatekeeper to folks...