Skip to main content

The moment I realized we'd be okay...

Let me preface this by saying it was the moment I knew we'd be okay awesome as parents.  Not that we'd get over this whole notion of "jinxing" ourselves.  That's something we're still working on and it's another blog post (or three).

We're driving after our excursion to check out baby furniture and I am trying to process what the hell just happened.  I've never been so overwhelmed by a store, much less two of them.  I was overwhelmed by Pottery Barn Kids because no one there seemed interested in our business.  I was also overwhelmed by how pretentious the things in the store are; I know what I need and what I don't and what's just fluff to make us look like good parents.  I was overwhelmed at Land of Nod because when you walk in, the showroom runs the full gamut; cribs through bedroom sets for older children and it was like having the wind knocked out of me as I realized this tiny human is coming and is going to grow up faster than I would like... and then that sales lady vocalized the thought for me and caught me off-guard.

So we're driving along and I begin to talk to Porch about the events of the afternoon and was questioning myself "Am I a deadbeat for not already having a registry or knowing what crib we want?" and caught myself.  And smiled.  Because none of that stuff matters to me.  I am so focused on having a healthy baby to hold that I couldn't care less about where he or she sleeps or if the sheets are organic or match the curtains.  All that matters is that Porch & I are parents to a tiny human and the rest will fall together as it's meant to... we're only at 4 months this coming Tuesday so there's plenty of time to be overwhelmed by choices (and prices).  I'm content to focus on feeling pregnant and anticipating what it will feel like to feel baby's movements.

These moments will fly by and they are moments that Porch and I waited over 4 years to have so we are going to cherish them rather than wish them away.

xoxo

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

It is not 1950; I do not vacuum in pearls.

Hi, it's me - I know it's been a while, but I've been deep inside that bubble I mentioned when everything first happened in November 2020 and I am starting to emerge having done some serious healing and navigating within the trauma of being a suicide survivor and a sole parent. This has nothing to do with that though. I'm dumping this thought here because I need it documented: You know how the conservative crowd tends to use "Well I don't have any children, why should I help pay for the schools?" and "People are just too lazy to work, I don't know why we need social services to help people pay for their child care and food?" I'm noticing those are the same voices I hear in restaurants complaining that there are no servers. No bartenders. No one available to change their oil or to do other trade work. And no one to watch their children.  The CEO of the company I work for posted a big response about how child care is the gatekeeper to folks

Changing of the Seasons

We are approaching the one-year anniversary of when Ryan completed suicide. It brings a lot of emotions and feelings and memories and honestly - exhaustion. I have spent the last year in therapy digging myself out of a lot of those feelings and learning how to be Danie and not Porch and Danie. There have been a lot (!) of tears, a lot of me yelling at Ryan, cursing his name for leaving me to parent alone, a lot of wondering what comes next for the girl gang, a lot of rebuilding. But we're here. I'm here. And arguably stronger than ever (though not physically - listen, I eat my feelings and will work on that side of things later -- DO NOT SEND ME MLM BS ABOUT LOSING WEIGHT). I am much more aware of myself and the girls and more emotionally present than I've ever been. Those girls have been my light through some really dark shit. The seasons are changing. We are almost through our season of "firsts." And if you know, you know. If you don't, you're quite fort

Charlotte's birth story

Thank goodness this isn't my 40 week update; I was really nervous that I'd have to write one of those and even possibly the dreaded 41 week update!  Today was her due date, but we got to meet her just a little early.  Charlotte Esther joined our family at 2:07am on Friday, August 8th... and changed our lives forever.  There's now a squishy baby who calls for us and loves nothing more than snuggling on our chests.  We are, in fact, living the dream.  A dream 4 years in the making and worth every moment.  My heart is so full of love for Charlotte and I am so excited to see how she grows and changes. I have always enjoyed reading the birth stories of my blogger friends' babies and felt it gave me hope as it was the final moment in the battle against infertility, the crossing of a finish line.  So today, in celebration of love and this chubby cheeked baby girl, I share with you the story of Charlotte's birth. Charlotte's Birth Story... I woke up Thursday morni