Skip to main content

The desire

I've heard that you will know when your family is complete... that your heart will feel content and you will just... know.

My history as an infertile leaves me feeling super uneasy about this. We know we want to have a sibling for Charlotte but we're not sure how that might look for us. I feel conflicted having such woeful feelings when I am so incredibly lucky to be watching Charlotte grow and change. I am that sweet girl's Mamamamamama and for that I am forever thankful. But I want more. And I know that when we're ready, it's likely to require medical intervention.

The feelings of jealousy creep up when others post their pregnancy announcement or bump updates, even though I was that girl not too long ago. It feels selfish to feel this way, you know? I'm happy for my friends but there's that nagging feeling already. I'm going to be 32 this year and the clock is ticking. I can barely get my bum off the floor when I'm down there playing with Charlotte. I can't imagine 5 years will be kind to my joints. 

Being a mama is the best feeling and I am constantly thinking of those who continue to struggle with infertility. It's like climbing out of the trenches only to find yourself in the next one.

The hormones are legit and I am likely feeling wistful because my baby is looking more and more like the toddler she is & I know that it's not likely going to be any time soon that I again have that new baby smell to huff.

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The neighborhood gem

We have lived in our current place for about 2.5 years. Sunday marked the first time EVER that we walked to the neighborhood park and participated in open swim at the pool. I don't know why it took so long... maybe because we're not usually here on the weekends? Not sure. But Sunday was such a gorgeous day that we couldn't resist the urge to be outside but this preggo needed to be cool. I mentioned the pool and called to find out deets (hours, type of swim, fee, etc) and we slipped on our suits & were out the door in no time! We had been working all morning to assemble baby gear and catch up on laundry so we welcomed the break. We spent about an hour soaking up the sun and floating around in the water. We really aren't going anywhere (no more trips to the cabin or Green Bay for me) between now and the baby's arrival so I suspect that if the weather is nice, we'll be more likely to consider the pool.  Hey, it's clean, free, and close to home. Can...
1 comment
Read more

Maternity Pictures

I let out the biggest squeal of joy when I went to get the mail today and found this package waiting for me! Seriously, I've been stalking Bobbi's life and seeing everyone's amazing teasers was making me so much more excited to get our pictures!  I'm so happy to share the amazing work done by Bobbi at The Salty Peanut.  I highly recommend her to all of my Wisconsinite friends, particularly those in the Madison area, though she's willing to travel.  Check out the website here  and let her know that Mrs. Porch sent you her way!  Her work speaks for itself so I won't gush too much...... I seriously cannot pick a favorite.  So I'm not going to.  But you can!  :) Just 19 days until Baby Porch is predicted to arrive!  I'm so happy we got these back before she arrived; it's such a fun way to remember this exciting time in our lives.  And soon, we won't look nearly as well-rested, but we'll have ...
Post a Comment
Read more

I suppose this kid's gonna need somewhere to sleep...

As an avid blog stalker reader, I have been following several stories of other families who have struggled with infertility and am actually just days separated from Liz & her hubby at Wishing on a Snowflak e who adopted embryos and actually had her transfer the same week I did and we both got positive results. I read her blog today and saw the amazing nursery they're putting together for their daughter and I realized something kind of important... Holy shit. This kid is going to need somewhere to sleep.   And we're already almost 14 weeks deep. I suspect it's much like the wedding.  I was never really the girl who dreamed about her wedding day in great detail.  I was too busy hoping to find the right person, the details didn't matter.  I feel like I've been so busy wishing, hoping, praying, stabbing myself with needles, etc to give this some real deep thought.  Remember when we moved in to our apartment and Porch was all like " We could raise some...
Post a Comment
Read more