Mislabeled Stress

I am feeling the stress of the holidays in such a weird way this year. All of the gifts are wrapped (mostly, except one... and the one I got for Porch... and one that I bought for someone special), the house is "decorated" and we have been doing the traditional things like St. Nick, cutting down & decorating our tree, baking cookies, etc. I am functioning like a normal, adult human being.

But I am also feeling this feel.

This hope.

This joy.

This concept that the best is yet to come, that perhaps there's more to be excited about in 2017. Charlotte is an amazing kid who challenges me daily and is the perfect mix of passionate and compassionate. She asked me today where my heartbeat was and I nearly responded that she was my heartbeat but paused for fear that our very concrete thinker would take that as fact. 2017 will (hopefully) be the year that we get to experience life as a family of 4. And even if it's not, the hope for future attempts and knowing that I have a ridiculously wonderful kiddo (who is currently resisting her nap like a boss) right here in front of me is enough.

It's enough.

I think what I had been identifying as stress is perhaps contentment. And perhaps I just didn't know how to label it or what to do with it.

I am thankful to have hope and it is my wish that you find hope in your heart as well, no matter which season of your life you are currently in.

xo
Mama Porch

Comments

Momma K

It's true. I love my mom. She's my best source of advice & wisdom, even though it took me roughly 20 years to figure that out. I just wanted to take a quick second and thank her for all that she's done for me and especially for the things she didn't do for me. =) I wouldn't be the person I am today without her. Love you mom! We're pretty fabulous, no?

It doesn't matter how slow you go...

I saw this online the other day and at first, thought how appropriate it is for what Porch & I have been attempting lately (lots of running) but after some deeper thought and revisiting, I've come to think of this as being more fitting for our story on the road to making a tiny human. I think it's appropriate, meaningful, and inspirational all at once. A great reminder that no matter how slow we move, how many baby steps (no pun intended) we take, as long as we keep moving forward, it's better than giving up in frustration. I once had a colleague tell me that it was only important that we "keep moving forward, no matter what." That mantra has stuck with me for years and I've come to apply it personally and professionally. It's okay that this is taking time. It's our story and it will never be the same as anyone else's story. Likewise, I am not a runner. I honestly don't even know why I started running, but damn it. It feels so ...

It is not 1950; I do not vacuum in pearls.

Hi, it's me - I know it's been a while, but I've been deep inside that bubble I mentioned when everything first happened in November 2020 and I am starting to emerge having done some serious healing and navigating within the trauma of being a suicide survivor and a sole parent. This has nothing to do with that though. I'm dumping this thought here because I need it documented: You know how the conservative crowd tends to use "Well I don't have any children, why should I help pay for the schools?" and "People are just too lazy to work, I don't know why we need social services to help people pay for their child care and food?" I'm noticing those are the same voices I hear in restaurants complaining that there are no servers. No bartenders. No one available to change their oil or to do other trade work. And no one to watch their children. The CEO of the company I work for posted a big response about how child care is the gatekeeper to folks...

Los Porchs

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