when i was preparing for my return to work after i had charlotte, i remember staying up as late as possible because i wasn't ready to face the morning when I'd have to hand my baby to someone else.
it's 10:41pm and tomorrow i have to hand my baby to someone else in a place that i don't work, in a place where i didn't hire the staff. i won't be able to peek in and see how she's doing. i won't be able to jump in if she needs something. i won't be in the building.
public schools scare the ever-living shit out of me. yep. even my anti-anxiety meds cannot protect me from this feeling. i have seen too many parents sobbing on the news, begging our administration to make changes to keep our babies safe only to hear the higher ups call them snowflakes. my child, my 1 and only baby, will walk into a place in which i cannot shield her.
and i have to make sure my baby has no idea i feel this way. i am cheering and sharing her excitement as she gleefully talks about elementary school. i am soaking up her happiness and cherish it. this is the whole point of parenting... letting her grow and explore the world.
and this has been deep thoughts with mama bear ❤
gonna need to make that coffee a double tomorrow.
xo
d
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