Skip to main content

So much ughhhh

After a stay in the NICU early on, today's shots sucked but I immediately got to hold my baby & nurse her to console her. She was back to smiling in no time. She probably won't ever trust that MA again, but I was proud of both of us. It made me think about the mommas with babies in the NICU & that dull ache of longing to hold your baby but not being able to snuggle. I'm so thankful for my now healthy baby & for the team at Children's who supported her. Even though she wasn't "critical," she was in the NICU for a reason and it was hard.
... the shots weren't the hardest part of today's visit. The worst part was trying not to freak as the pediatrician starts asking me questions about C's arms and does she always favor her right arm? As I looked down at C on the exam table, I notice she isnt really moving her left arm. Immediately, without a moment of hesitation, I feel like shit. How the hell have I not noticed this? And then she points out the beginning of a flat spot on the side of her head because yep, she favors the right side. Whenever I go into her room at night, she's sleeping with her head to the right. So.
Imagine me trying so very hard not to assess my child. Not to think of how the IFSP would be written. Not to freak the f@$! out.  Deep breaths. Walk home. Play with baby. I tried so hard not to assess her as a newborn that I may have totally turned off the blinders.
After I finish processing what this means... there will be copious amounts of tummy time and effective immediately, she's sleeping at the other end of the crib (which worked). I feel like I set C back because I snuggled her so damn much when we were home together for those 6 weeks, but I'm not sure I feel badly about loving my baby so much. Porch & I just have some homework as she goes back next month to monitor her muscle tone.
Momma needs some wine.
Xoxo
Labels:

Comments

  1. AshleyNovember 5, 2014 at 8:45 AM

    2 month shots are the worst!! Poor baby!! I cried as Noah did and had never seen him soo upset - even in the NICU!! These babies can just break our hearts!! She is soo cute!!! Hopefully everything will turn out for the best with her arm!!

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

One Year Anniversary: Kicking off our IVF cycle

Today marks the one-year celebration of the first time I had to give myself an injection for our IVF treatment.  It was a day of SO much emotion, so much suspense, and of course, so much hope.  I remember giving myself the pep talk about the injections -- This is nothing compared to what labor will be like (and I kinda called that one).  It got easier each time, especially as I found others in the blog world who were going through the same thing as I was at the same time. I would do every single thing again, multiple times, if it meant I got to find my way to Charlotte.  This girl is my own living, beating heart, outside of my body.  I am so thankful to the team at IHR  here in Chicago for all of their kindness, support, and knowledge.  The team at IHR helped Porch and I start our little family and we could never fully express the gratitude we have for that gift. I am still thinking of those who are in the midst of their journey to parenthood, thos...
1 comment
Read more

Coming Soon: Baby Porch

After 4 long years and a successful IVF attempt,  Porch & I are excited to share that we have an extra special reason to be excited for football season this year.  We are expecting Baby Porch on August 12th.   :)  It's been quite challenging to keep this secret for 12 weeks but we made it!  I plan to go back and #laterblog about the path we took to get to this badass picture; the blogging community has been an amazing support system to me and I would like to pay it forward by sharing our journey.   Honestly, writing the email to my family this afternoon was the first moment it felt "real" and I proceeded to cry as I wrote it.  Hello hormones, how you doin'?  There was a moment of hesitation before clicking send as I realized I was moving closer to making this pregnancy public knowledge.  But I'm ready.  It's time to share.  Time to celebrate. We are happy to answer questions you might have about our journey. We...
4 comments
Read more

Charlotte's birth story

Thank goodness this isn't my 40 week update; I was really nervous that I'd have to write one of those and even possibly the dreaded 41 week update!  Today was her due date, but we got to meet her just a little early.  Charlotte Esther joined our family at 2:07am on Friday, August 8th... and changed our lives forever.  There's now a squishy baby who calls for us and loves nothing more than snuggling on our chests.  We are, in fact, living the dream.  A dream 4 years in the making and worth every moment.  My heart is so full of love for Charlotte and I am so excited to see how she grows and changes. I have always enjoyed reading the birth stories of my blogger friends' babies and felt it gave me hope as it was the final moment in the battle against infertility, the crossing of a finish line.  So today, in celebration of love and this chubby cheeked baby girl, I share with you the story of Charlotte's birth. Charlotte's Birth Story... I woke up Thur...
3 comments
Read more