Los Porchs

Here's the thing with infertility; it seems like it's never quite done with me.  Charlotte is 3 and exhaustingly perfect.  I am so insanely thankful that I get to be her mama.  We have tried 4 additional transfers since hers and it just doesn't seem to be in our favor.  I hear the science telling me that I'm done, that I likely won't get to hold a newborn in labor & delivery again and know that this tiny person is mine.  Right? Like this is just the known part of infertility.  The pangs of desire hit me every now and then but I can rationalize them and make the steps to pursue IVF once more (more details on that coming this spring). It's the little things that I forget and then come back to kick me square in the ovaries . It's putting away Charlotte's 3T and 4T clothing and staring woefully at the stack of totes I once optimistically thought would be reopened. It's rocking a baby at work and watching her fall asleep while I'm wondering i...

It feels like forever since I've sat down to write a post, but so many of you have reached out to ask what's going on over here in Porchland that it felt like it was time for a quick update.  There isn't one.  ;) We are still very much adjusting to having Archer in our lives and working with him on training.  He will likely be starting obedience classes in the near future because he is a handful and then some.  He's such a sweet pup who loves his Charlie, but there is still much for him to learn -- especially not to jump on people.  That makes me crazy. Charlie and I planted our seeds a while back and we are enjoying watching them thrive in the little greenhouse, knowing that someday soon, the snow will dissipate and we will be able to plant them in our garden.  She's most excited about her pumpkin plants!  Archer was creeping around by the plants this morning so it seems we'll need to supervise his gardening activities. No news on the baby fro...

One Little Word It's a movement I've observed on social media for a while. I hate New Years resolutions. Hate them. I feel people set lofty goals and then fizzle out by February. March at best. But this notion seemed more meaningful. More like a compass for the year rather than a measurable set outcome. There are generators online to help you find your word or you can reflect & choose something meaningful to you.  Im trying to find the word that inspires me most. The generator said brave. My heart automatically jumped to grace. I suspect I'll know my word when I stumble upon it. It's one little word with so much potential. What's your word? Xo Mama Porch

The lights, the presents.. the joy.. there's so much to be enjoyed and celebrated this time of year.  We are so thankful for the three-nager who makes every day a challenge and the pup who brings us the weirdest occurrences of the zoomies. But still. My heart hurts. For the four babies who simply weren't.  Couldn't be.  2017 wasn't our year. For the desire to add more children to our hot mess express. While there are absolutely times midst argument with Charlotte (Lord help me in the future) I simply cannot fathom adding another tiny fighter to our group, I also am grieving the loss of what could have been.  I didn't know I wanted 5 children until I had 5 embryos.  My motto before IVF was that I would see how bad childbirth was before I agreed to future children; Charlotte was amazing and perfect and I knew I wanted more well before her first birthday. Depression set in and I didn't find the courage to ask for help until much later and when we did atte...

Day 2 This is one of those situations where Archer feels like he's been ours his entire life but here we are, barely 24 hours into the ride.  Much like Charlie, his body leads one to believe he is much older (and therefore wiser) than he actually is at this time.  He walks really nicely on the leash and has seemingly figured out where to poop.  Loves to swipe toys, clothes, shoes, remotes, literally anything not permanently attached to furniture.  We spent a lot of our day saying things like, "Oh Archer, you don't need to wear shoes."  and "Archer!  Leave it! We don't eat beds!" He is still very much a puppy and I feel like he is going to be so much fun as a playmate for Charlie, once Charlie stops crying every time he tries to play with her.  To be fair, he has a lot of energy (those zoomies were very real tonight) and has an impressive vertical leap.  I can't wait until he has a better understanding of his yard and we can throw the ball arou...

If you follow us on Instagram or are our friends on Facebook, you know that Porch & I (and Charlotte) added a new furry member to our family.  His name is Archer Mallory Sterling Porch and he is not only a perfect fit for our family, he is also a welcome distraction. It is with a somber heart that I share our 4th (and final) frozen embryo transfer was not successful.  If Porch and I are to have another baby, we will need to go through the entire IVF process again or find good fortune with a surprise baby the natural way.  If you remember, our initial odds given to us were < 1% per cycle (this is compared to around 30% for a typical couple).  We're taking a few moments to pause and feel thankful that we were able to attempt 4 frozen transfers and I feel a sense of peace knowing that those embryos aren't just sitting around. We'll keep you updated as we move forward but for now, we are enjoying Charlotte's enthusiasm (understatement) for the holiday season a...

Well, Day 1 was largely just Charlie yelling at Prim for being here and Prim following underfoot the entire day. Lots of tears (Charlie cried some too). Approximately 487 reminders to walk. All 3 of us end up in king-sized bed and finally give in to sleep after a 230 sob session about the dog being alive. DAY 2. woken at 12:16am by the sound of a dog dry heaving. Motherly instincts kick in. Put hand out. Realize what's happening and pull it back. Dog pukes on duvet. Half asleep, I scoop the puke up and nearly gag as I hustle to the toilet. Remove duvet and ball up in corner. Immediately return to bed and fall back asleep. It's only 8am. Send coffee. And new episodes of Peppa Pig. And the best dog chew toys that will entertain a 6 month old lab mix until I get her to the park. Xo