When I woke up this morning, I was feeling healthy, confident, and intrigued by the options that would be discussed today during our visit with the REI specialist, Dr. S. I knew that I was healthy. Porch is healthy. Let's chat about IVF and making this happen in a timely fashion (I am one of those folks who tend to seek instant gratification).
... Let's spend an hour in the car getting to the appointment.
... Let's spend an hour in the office meeting people, completing paperwork, and discussing histories.
... Let's spend an hour in the car on the way home with an entirely different outlook.
I left the office today feeling deflated, confused, and honestly, overwhelmed. I'll start by clarifying that statement: the specialist and her team are ah.maz.ing. They couldn't be friendlier and were very sweet. My own feelings rushed over me as I had to recap my story from my botched surgery and listen to Dr. S' ah-ha moment and vocalization that perhaps some of our problems stem from "scar tissue from the surgery."
Cue emotional distress. I was so certain that I was in the clear, that this would be such a simple process because it was on the other end, nothing with me. She's ordered boat loads of tests to clarify (because, Mrs. Porch, it's entirely possible that nothing is wrong and this doctor is just covering all of her bases and ordering a test doesn't automatically bring a symptom into existence) what's going on with me. So I'm right back to feeling anxious about my body.
But you're so young! At what point did 29 (almost 30) become young? I don't feel young when everyone around me is sending their "babies" to kindergarten. I was really hoping I would be pregnant by my 30th in September but now it is very clear to me that I will not even likely have all of my answers by then, much less have started treatments.
The insurance company still hasn't approved our case for the visit so we could really only do a consultation today and not the full battery of tests that I'm sure she would have liked to run. I have to wait until my next cycle starts before I can get tests done which means I'm lookin' at about 35 days. Fabulous.
I need a drink. It's 11:30am.
Maybe I just need a nap.
xoxo
... Let's spend an hour in the car getting to the appointment.
... Let's spend an hour in the office meeting people, completing paperwork, and discussing histories.
... Let's spend an hour in the car on the way home with an entirely different outlook.
I left the office today feeling deflated, confused, and honestly, overwhelmed. I'll start by clarifying that statement: the specialist and her team are ah.maz.ing. They couldn't be friendlier and were very sweet. My own feelings rushed over me as I had to recap my story from my botched surgery and listen to Dr. S' ah-ha moment and vocalization that perhaps some of our problems stem from "scar tissue from the surgery."
Cue emotional distress. I was so certain that I was in the clear, that this would be such a simple process because it was on the other end, nothing with me. She's ordered boat loads of tests to clarify (because, Mrs. Porch, it's entirely possible that nothing is wrong and this doctor is just covering all of her bases and ordering a test doesn't automatically bring a symptom into existence) what's going on with me. So I'm right back to feeling anxious about my body.
But you're so young! At what point did 29 (almost 30) become young? I don't feel young when everyone around me is sending their "babies" to kindergarten. I was really hoping I would be pregnant by my 30th in September but now it is very clear to me that I will not even likely have all of my answers by then, much less have started treatments.
The insurance company still hasn't approved our case for the visit so we could really only do a consultation today and not the full battery of tests that I'm sure she would have liked to run. I have to wait until my next cycle starts before I can get tests done which means I'm lookin' at about 35 days. Fabulous.
I need a drink. It's 11:30am.
Maybe I just need a nap.
xoxo
One big appt under your belt...they are all stressful and scary but they do get better as you get more comfortable with your doctor and your plan. Just think you are one step closer than you were yesterday!!!
ReplyDelete