Los Porchs

My HSG was completed on the 24th downtown at the surgery center.  We found out that my Fallopian tubes are not blocked but Dr. TK thinks there is likely some scar tissue that's causing issues.  Ryan goes for his bloodwork and analysis (this will be lucky number 3) tomorrow.  Hopefully, once we have the full picture of what's going on in our bodies, we can make a plan and move forward.  Tomorrow is my 30th birthday and right now, I'm feeling pretty apathetic about it.  I thought it would be a bigger deal, but really nothing yet.  Lots of feelings of nostalgia on my way tow ork this morning.  I can't believe I'm going to be 30.  And I can't believe I still don't have children.  Meanwhile, many friends are done and have older children, but they aren't me.  I get that now.  Sometimes, I just feel stuck.  Like I"m living the same day over and over.  I'm hopeful that there are good things to come because I'm stressed out. xoxo

I think leakage is one of my least favorite words.  It's just so... gross.  I made it through my entire grueling day and came out on the other side.  Not only did I survive NAEYC and my HSG, but I also hauled my happy ass to the track for a run.  What amazes me is when I tell myself it's okay if it's not my best and that I'm just happy that I managed to get myself there and somehow manage to have a personal best!  I'm not a runner.  I run.  Sometimes.  I just never expected to be excited about it or to want to beat my own time, though looking back, I'm not surprised.  I love numbers and data and being able to see my growth over time. Anyway, the HSG was interesting.  I have a great doctor, Dr. TK, who has a fantastic sense of humor; that is to say he cracks himself up every 10 minutes with a one-liner that no one else laughs at -- I find I'm typically laughing at his ability to crack himself up rather than the joke itself.  I got to watch the contrast as i

Tomorrow is a big big day for me both personally and professionally.  When I lay my head down tomorrow night, I will have undergone two huge processes. I plan to arrive to the center tomorrow morning bright and early before we open to ensure things are in order for our NAEYC assessor who will be there to conduct our site visit.  This is the technical culmination of our one-year process of reflection.  It's overwhelming and I am so glad this will be done before we go away for the weekend. Personally, I will have my HSG done tomorrow afternoon.  I need to be there by 3:30 so I plan to leave as soon as the NAEYC visit is complete.  I'm hoping that Dr. TK will be able to tell us what he's able to see during the procedure and that we won't be waiting for answers too long.  I'm hopeful. My stressors are colliding and it's put me on edge; it's also lead me to a new-found love for running.  Okay, jogging.  Maybe even just fast walking; it's hard to say.  I

My HSG has been rescheduled for Tuesday afternoon!  I'm excited for this because although it will be uncomfortable, it's my last stop on the train to answers.  Porch has to get some tests done this week on Friday and then we'll have given all we can give in the name of answers.  Then we head to Wisconsin to celebrate Oktoberfest with our friends in Lacrosse.  It's going to be a great week and we're looking forward to the sense of relief (hopefully) after all of our testing and the good times ahead. xoxo

Remember when I promised to stop Googling stuff?  Turns out I shouldn't have!  I got two confirmation calls yesterday for my appointments scheduled for today.  Blood work and ultrasound in the morning, HSG in the afternoon.  Yes.  Check.  Ready.  But then this nurse started talking about anesthesia and recovery and I was left feeling a touch confused about what she thought she was prepping me for... because this sounded pretty over the top for an HSG.  So when I got to the office this morning for my first appointment, I asked.  They looked at me like I was insane when I mentioned that I was told not to eat and that I would have anesthesia.  This prompted their check-in with the surgical center and wouldn't you know -- they were prepping me for the wrong surgery; they thought I was having two procedures done.  I spent a lot of time online last night researching HSG and am so thankful that I spoke up and tried to get more answers.  So no HSG for me today.  We're expecting to

Honestly, the last time I was this anxious about a cycle starting, it was my first cycle in middle school.  While laying in bed this morning, hitting snooze for the zillionth time, I just felt... bleh.  I knew what was comin' for me so I dragged myself out of bed and got ready for work.  I made the calls that I now find necessary:  the insurance company and the doctor's office.  I want everyone on the same page of the same book so that when the moment is here (like it now is), we're ready to move forward and we won't ever have to wait another 35 days to get to the next step.  It's my goal.  It's perhaps not realistic, but whatever, I'm clinging to it.  I think the lady at the insurance company felt bad for me.  Here's why:  "Oh Danielle, honey, you don't have to call for pre-authorization, that's the doctor's job."  Ma'am, with all due respect, I am not going to leave my fate in a stranger's hands and would rather check-in m

"Are you sure you can't drink?" "You're not pregnant yet." "Once you get pregnant, you can't drink for 9 months; better enjoy it now." And I thought that once the wedding was over, I'd be okay.  But then came Saturday afternoon.  And today was the Packer game.  I'm seriously in awe of how women are able to give up this part of their lifestyle.  I'm by no means in a need of a meeting, but I truly feel like drinking is just part of who we are; a good dark beer is synonymous with fall for me.  SERIOUSLY?!  Oktoberfest is the weekend of my 30th birthday and there's a fighting chance I won't be "allowed" to partake.  I'm trying instead to cut back.  But we'll see what my doctor says when I see him (hopefully this week!). I'm so excited for fall and all that it brings with it -- including those amazing dark beers but also decorating for the season.  Just placed a Scentsy order for some new yummy fall/wint

I'll admit it.  I'm a scaredy-cat.  I freak out when we go to the zoo and Porch wants to look at snakes and spiders and creepy-crawly yucky things.  I do okay when we go camping, my dad and grandpa taught me long ago not to be afraid of Daddy Long Legs and that they're good for us and whatever.  So I'm not the kid pluckin' the legs off of the Daddy Long Legs.  I survive the day to day life with spiders and such without screaming every time I see a spider.  Though I did (jokingly) get Porch to come kill a spider the other day that was roughly the size of this period (.). All joking aside please as I reveal to you the newest member of our household, Gustavo.  Never in my life have I been so damn paranoid about going out the back door or coming in at the end of the day.  He's this mythical spider that Porch and our friend saw one weekend while out back grilling and Porch told me about him and I was freaked just by a verbal description; I hadn't had the pleasu

We got back from the wedding (more on this in another post when there are some pictures to share) this afternoon & quickly changed into our game day attire and cued up the game on the tv.  We practically sprinted through the grocery store to get that out of the way and to ensure we were back on time for kickoff.  Man I have missed football.  The biggest challenge of living in Chicago as a Packers fan is limited access to the games; Comcast and I are in a fight right now and I refuse to give them any more money so I will not be adding the NFL package.  They can suck it.   Here's to the cookouts, the tailgating, the banter, and the season ahead. Cheers to all of our fellow football fans, but extra cheers to the Green Bay fans.   We love you more. PACK ATTACK!!! Go Pack Go!

The other side of course being me with a baby on my hip... on Instagram (mwahahaha) As we prepare for my brother's wedding this weekend, I keep reminding myself that this is probably the last time I'll be able to drink for a while (hopefully).  What a weird thought, especially since we're getting ready to embark on the holiday season and have another camping trip ahead of us which usually are synonymous with drinking.  It'll be strange since I won't be pregnant (well, maybe).  I'm already anxious about what another hormone treatment will do to me; after menopause, I was hoping to be done with this type of experience. So I apologize in advance, because if this weekend is my last "hurrah", I'm goin' out in style. Dueces .  Cheers!

While waiting at Dr. TK's office yesterday, I had the pleasure of observing three couples in their process of waiting.  The first that caught my eye ear was a woman who arrived at the same time I did.  She was waiting for her husband to arrive and none too pleased that he was 10 minutes late.  She called him and ripped him a new one... in the middle of the waiting room.  It went from "Where the hell are you, you're late" to "Why did you bother coming?"  The latter was upon his arrival to the office.  I couldn't believe what I was hearing.  Seriously?  Can you just let him sit down for a hot minute before humiliating him -- or maybe not do it at all?  You're obviously having some struggle with fertility or you wouldn't be here (unless you have an odd enjoyment of torture).  I had to start texting Porch at that point because I needed to reaffirm our desire to never be that couple.  Infertility makes you feel like you're losing your mind; today

If you can believe in something great, you can achieve something great. -Katy Perry, A Piece of Me (seriously, I just quoted this) Today was my first appointment with our new specialist and I spent over an hour waiting to be seen but it was worth every second and I would do it again to walk out with the fresh feeling of confidence and hope. I went alone since the consultation is usually pretty boring and someone using a crude diagram of a uterus to explain the reproduction cycle and how IVF works.   Our new(ish) plan is to check in when my cycle starts and go ahead with the injection of fluid into ye olde uterus to see if there's scar tissue on my tubes and then use that test to inform our decision of IUI vs IVF.  So we've got a plan, fluid, but a plan none the less.  So sometime this month, I expect we'll know our official plan.  I saw him jot some notes during our conversation (Clomid was among them) and get the feeling that he already knows where we'