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Never been more nervous

Honestly, the last time I was this anxious about a cycle starting, it was my first cycle in middle school.  While laying in bed this morning, hitting snooze for the zillionth time, I just felt... bleh.  I knew what was comin' for me so I dragged myself out of bed and got ready for work.  I made the calls that I now find necessary:  the insurance company and the doctor's office.  I want everyone on the same page of the same book so that when the moment is here (like it now is), we're ready to move forward and we won't ever have to wait another 35 days to get to the next step.  It's my goal.  It's perhaps not realistic, but whatever, I'm clinging to it.  I think the lady at the insurance company felt bad for me.  Here's why:  "Oh Danielle, honey, you don't have to call for pre-authorization, that's the doctor's job."  Ma'am, with all due respect, I am not going to leave my fate in a stranger's hands and would rather check-in myself and know with certainty that when I go for my HSG it's covered.  I don't need that kind of surprise in my life right now.

So it's scheduled.  The HSG and ultrasound and all the fun blood work a gal could hope for will be done on Thursday.  Then (hopefully) we'll know what we're really working with and can move forward.  This HSG will tell us if I have scar tissue on my Fallopian tubes or not.  If I do, I get to go past go and head straight to IVF.  If not, we'll be dabbling in IUI.  I'm not really even sure which outcome I want at this point as one means I have scar tissue from a surgery that emotionally scarred me for life and the other means I'm likely going to have to endure a few rounds of IUI before we get to break out the big guns (which Karma dictates I'll need).

In the meantime, I have work and school to keep my mind busy.  Like crazy busy.  Like almost burst into tears during a meeting busy.  I don't know how to keep all of the balls in the air without dropping one.  I can't juggle, anyone who knows me in real life could probably guess that much.  Anxiety seems to be sneaking into my life lately.  I'm ready for some answers and certainty.

xoxo

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  1. JulieSeptember 17, 2013 at 8:14 PM

    Good luck! I hope you get some answers and I know how you feel about wanting something horrible like scarring on your Fallopian tubes...at least then you have a direction and a plan. Thinking about you!

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