Skip to main content

Never been more nervous

Honestly, the last time I was this anxious about a cycle starting, it was my first cycle in middle school.  While laying in bed this morning, hitting snooze for the zillionth time, I just felt... bleh.  I knew what was comin' for me so I dragged myself out of bed and got ready for work.  I made the calls that I now find necessary:  the insurance company and the doctor's office.  I want everyone on the same page of the same book so that when the moment is here (like it now is), we're ready to move forward and we won't ever have to wait another 35 days to get to the next step.  It's my goal.  It's perhaps not realistic, but whatever, I'm clinging to it.  I think the lady at the insurance company felt bad for me.  Here's why:  "Oh Danielle, honey, you don't have to call for pre-authorization, that's the doctor's job."  Ma'am, with all due respect, I am not going to leave my fate in a stranger's hands and would rather check-in myself and know with certainty that when I go for my HSG it's covered.  I don't need that kind of surprise in my life right now.

So it's scheduled.  The HSG and ultrasound and all the fun blood work a gal could hope for will be done on Thursday.  Then (hopefully) we'll know what we're really working with and can move forward.  This HSG will tell us if I have scar tissue on my Fallopian tubes or not.  If I do, I get to go past go and head straight to IVF.  If not, we'll be dabbling in IUI.  I'm not really even sure which outcome I want at this point as one means I have scar tissue from a surgery that emotionally scarred me for life and the other means I'm likely going to have to endure a few rounds of IUI before we get to break out the big guns (which Karma dictates I'll need).

In the meantime, I have work and school to keep my mind busy.  Like crazy busy.  Like almost burst into tears during a meeting busy.  I don't know how to keep all of the balls in the air without dropping one.  I can't juggle, anyone who knows me in real life could probably guess that much.  Anxiety seems to be sneaking into my life lately.  I'm ready for some answers and certainty.

xoxo

Labels:

Comments

  1. JulieSeptember 17, 2013 at 8:14 PM

    Good luck! I hope you get some answers and I know how you feel about wanting something horrible like scarring on your Fallopian tubes...at least then you have a direction and a plan. Thinking about you!

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The neighborhood gem

We have lived in our current place for about 2.5 years. Sunday marked the first time EVER that we walked to the neighborhood park and participated in open swim at the pool. I don't know why it took so long... maybe because we're not usually here on the weekends? Not sure. But Sunday was such a gorgeous day that we couldn't resist the urge to be outside but this preggo needed to be cool. I mentioned the pool and called to find out deets (hours, type of swim, fee, etc) and we slipped on our suits & were out the door in no time! We had been working all morning to assemble baby gear and catch up on laundry so we welcomed the break. We spent about an hour soaking up the sun and floating around in the water. We really aren't going anywhere (no more trips to the cabin or Green Bay for me) between now and the baby's arrival so I suspect that if the weather is nice, we'll be more likely to consider the pool.  Hey, it's clean, free, and close to home. Can...
1 comment
Read more

Maternity Pictures

I let out the biggest squeal of joy when I went to get the mail today and found this package waiting for me! Seriously, I've been stalking Bobbi's life and seeing everyone's amazing teasers was making me so much more excited to get our pictures!  I'm so happy to share the amazing work done by Bobbi at The Salty Peanut.  I highly recommend her to all of my Wisconsinite friends, particularly those in the Madison area, though she's willing to travel.  Check out the website here  and let her know that Mrs. Porch sent you her way!  Her work speaks for itself so I won't gush too much...... I seriously cannot pick a favorite.  So I'm not going to.  But you can!  :) Just 19 days until Baby Porch is predicted to arrive!  I'm so happy we got these back before she arrived; it's such a fun way to remember this exciting time in our lives.  And soon, we won't look nearly as well-rested, but we'll have ...
Post a Comment
Read more

when even the doctor feels badly for you

went for the repeat ultrasound yesterday with my heart filled with positive thoughts and feelings just to find out that my uterine lining is WAY too thick to move forward. in fact, dr. b was worried because my uterus and ovaries seem to be having different conversations about where they are in my cycle. blood was drawn and results revealed that i hadn't ovulated and so, my dear friends, i am back on birth control for an undetermined length of time. the short version of this paragraph:  i didn't bleed enough this month so i have to do it again. you know it's rough when even the doctor has that sad look in her eyes and wraps up the appointment with, "I feel so bad for you, it's just one thing after another." that's why i like her, to be honest. let's not sugar coat this process and let's skip the whole "we'll get 'em next time, tiger" pep talk. it sucks. and we're allowed to feel that, my fellow infertility peeps. it's o...
Post a Comment
Read more